Little Johny Jokes

Songs to listen when you are in mood

2011-07-16T20:37:00.001-07:00

TRACKS TO PLAY WHEN... 1. You're getting into the mood

• In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel: This song ushers in plenty of heartfelt emotions about how you feel about your partner.

• Feel Like Making Love by Bad Company: The title pretty much spells it out. The music is mostly slow, but it does have a few exciting parts to keep things moving.

• Glory Box by Portishead: The pulsing trip-hop rhythms and swooning symphonic swells are inspiring, but it's singer Beth Gibbons' bluesy plea for "a reason to be a woman" that made this song the perfect soundtrack for after-party passion in 1994.

• Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer: It tells the sweet truth of the average person's extreme desire to get laid. It works great for getting into the mood.
2. You're playing a tease

• I Touch Myself by The Divinyls: The band brought masturbation to the mainstream with this not-sosubtle 1991 ode to self-exploration. Once they caught a glimpse of singer Chrissy Amphlett's cleavage in the video, teenage boys everywhere brought the lyrics to life at least twice a day.

• Hey Mister by Custom: Every girl's father hates this song, and for good reason. It's full of sexual lyrics like, "I'd like to eat her like ice cream".
3. Meeting your crush

• Love Game by Lady Gaga: "Let's have some fun, this beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick," leaves nothing to the imagination.

• Ooh La La by Goldfrapp: Part gritty glam throwback, part electro-disco pant-a-thon, this 2006 tune finds singer Alison Goldfrapp proclaiming her cravings. It remains one of the kinkiest songs to ever be coaxed from a keyboard.
4. You're feeling lusty

• Mea Culpa by Enigma: This song has a constant beat with plenty of provocative sounds. Add to that the romantic French lyrics and you've got a firestarter.

• Erotica by Madonna: "Put your hands all over my body," purrs Madonna. Yes, this song exudes sexual energy and the lyrics follow through.
5. You feel like an animal

• Get Down Make Love by Queen: Full of no-holds-barred lyrics like "you say you're hungry, I give you meat" and "I can feel, you can break me" gel well with the added chaotic synth.

• Love Hangover by Diana Ross: Part slow jam, part disco boogie, this 1976 hit from the original Dreamgirl articulated the morning-after high.

Real names of bollywood

2010-08-11T08:08:00.001-07:00

Aamir Khan - Aamir Hussain Khan

Ajay Devgan - Vishal Devgan

Ajit - Hamid Ali Khan

Akshay Kumar - Rajiv Bhatia

Amitabh Bachchan - Amit Srivastav

Ashok Kumar - Kumud Ganguly

Bobby Deol - Vijay Singh Deol

Dev Anand - Devdutt Pishorimal Anand

Dharmendra - Dharam Singh Deol

Dilip Kumar - Yusuf Khan

Govinda - Govinda Arun Ahuja

Jeetendra - Ravi Kapoor

John Abraham - Farhan Abraham

Johnny Lever - Badruddin Qazi

Kamal Haasan- Alwarpettai Aandavar

Kumar Gaurav - Manoj Tulli

Lucky Ali - Maqsood Mehmood Ali

Madhubala - Mumtaz Jehan Begum Dehlavi

Mahima Chaudhry - Ritu Chaudhry

Mallika Sherawat - Reema Lamba

Manoj Kumar - Hare Krishna Goswami

Nana Patekar - Vishwanath Patekar

Raj Kumar - Kulbushan Pandit

Rajesh Khanna - Jatin Khanna

Rajnikant - Sivaji Rao Gaekwad

Rekha - Bhanurekha Ganesan

Salman Khan- Abdul Rashid Salim Salman Khan

Sanjeev Kumar - Haribhai Jarivala

Shammi Kapoor - Shamsher Raj Kapoor

Shashi Kapoor - Balbirraj Kapoor

Sunil Dutt - Balraj Dutt

Sunny Deol - Ajay Singh Deol

Tuntun : Uma Devi Khatri

Directly From Haryana

2010-07-04T03:40:00.001-07:00

Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge ?
Student: shaadi..!!!!!!

Teacher: nahi,mera matlab hai kya banoge?
Student: dulha.!!!!!!!!!!!

Teacher: oh,i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
Student: dulhan

Teacher: IDIOTmera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?
Student- bahu launga

Teacher: stupid tumare papa tumse kya chahte hai?
Student: pota

Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?
Student: hum do humare do, jab tak teasra nahi ho...!!!!!!......

HR Skills -- Choose Heaven or Hell

2010-06-28T09:23:00.001-07:00

One day while walking down the street, a highly successful Human
Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul
arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.
Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in
though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've
never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're
not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do
is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can
choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven",
said the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting
green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club
and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives
that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns
and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and
they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf
and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent
steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind n cute) and
she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a
good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and
found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the
next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and
singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were
up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now
you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought
I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I
think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went
down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends
were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in
sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we
danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage
and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
...
...
....
....
....
.....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

Passbook - Really good one !!

2010-06-24T00:12:00.001-07:00

Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,

Priya's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook.

With Rs.1000 deposit amount.

Mother: Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.

When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life,
put some money in.

Write down what it's about next to the line.

The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.

I've done the first one for you today.

Do the others with Hitesh.

When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'

Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home.

They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when
the second deposit can be made.

This was what they did after certain time:

- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage

- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya

- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali

- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant

- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted

.... and so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.

They didn't talk much.

They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the
world.... no more love...

Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Priya talked to her Mother:

'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.

I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal.

Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it.

But before that, do one thing first.

Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day?

Take out all money and spend it first.

You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Priya thought it was true.

So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel
the account.

While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.

She looked, and looked, and looked.

Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind.

Her eyes were then filled with tears.

She left and went home.

When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to
spend the money before getting divorce.

The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya.

She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:

'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years.

How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.

Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?

I did not ask.

I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru
all the good years in their life.

"When you fall, in any way, Don't see the place where you fell,
Instead see the place from where you slipped.
Life is about correcting mistakes."

Well Said - Very Interesting

2010-05-19T02:34:00.001-07:00

Jeevan me kamyab hone ke liye 3 factory lagao…

(1) Dimag me Ice factory.
(2) Zuban par Sugar factory.
(3) Dil me Love factory.

Phir life hogi satisfactory~!~!~!

Relationship…

Ek din Sagar ne Nadi se pucha:

Kab tak milati rahogi mujhe meethe pani se ???
Nadi ne haskar kaha :
Jab tak tujh me mithas na aa jaye tab tak !!!
Thats "RELATIONSHIP…" ~~

Be Positive Always !!!

One tree makes 1 Lakh matchsticks.
But one matchstick can burn 1 Lakh trees.
Similarly one negative thought or doubt can burn thousands of dreams…
Be Positive Always!!!

Chehre ki hasi se har gam chupao,
Bahut kuch bolo par kuch na batao...
Khud na rutho kabhi, par sabko manao
Ye Raz hai Zindagi ka,
Bas Jite chale jao!!!

Wah Prabhu kya teri leela hai:

Chuha Billi se darta hai,
Billi Kutte se darti hai,
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,

Aur Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai!!!

Appraisal Process....

2010-04-22T00:17:00.001-07:00

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err. ..uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication" , you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well. .I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding' .

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding' ?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*

Just have fun!

2010-04-13T05:16:00.001-07:00

In this world, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawa iian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???

Pass it on to the poor fellas for info & to the gals for a good laugh !

Why Big B Quit KBC??

2010-04-07T02:46:00.001-07:00

WHY BIG B QUIT KBC???

With Santa Singh

The Story So Far...

Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has used all his lifelines except for "50-50" and "Phone a Friend". Santa Singh is playing the 13 th Question now which is for 25 Lacs. Let's see what happens next... J

Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13 th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par...

Santa Singh gets Tense...

Amitabh Bachchan: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan? Your options are...

Amitabh Bachchan: To Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He's quite sure that Santa will opt for option A]

But Santa is surprisingly still confused...

Amitabh Bachchan: Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai... 50-50 and phone a friend.. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai.
Santa Singh: I think it is A, but I'm not sure.
Amitabh Bachchan: NOT SURE!! Hmmm... Aap kya karna chahenge?
Santa Singh: I would like to use 50-50...
Amitabh Bachchan: Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita deejiye...

Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options:

Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline...

Santa Singh: I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A Friend...
Amitabh Bachchan: Aap kisse baat karna chahenge!?
Santa Singh: Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga...

Amitabh Bachchan almost Faints!!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan [Thanks to AirTel J ]...

Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?"

receiving reply from JAYA...BIG B is totally BLACKED OUT...

GUESS WHY????????? ??

Scroll Down

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V

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Jaya Asks...
Options kya hai ?

__._,_.___

.

__,_._,___

The Husband Store :-)

2010-03-22T01:36:00.000-07:00

The Husband Store....

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where any woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!!!

You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the Building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Windows or Apple

2010-03-11T02:11:00.000-08:00

Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?"
Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?"
Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?"
Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?"
Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on."
Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part."
Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried."
Tech Support: "And that is what?"
Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?"Customer: "A bunch of little pictures."
Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'."
Customer: "No, all I see is that littlered circle thing with the chunk out of it."
Tech Support: "You mean an apple?"
Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple."

You can Try again!!

2010-03-09T07:02:00.001-08:00

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.

Scared??..She confides this ' news' to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
This to you?

I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an
hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And
distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very
expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl,
and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the
Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family
Situation, but I'll take responsibility.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a
beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a
$2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However, If there is a miscarriage or unsuccessful delivery , what do
you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him...

"You can try again!!!"

A Sweet Story!

2010-03-08T22:25:00.000-08:00

Girl to Boy : Why do you keep following me ?
Boy : Bcoz you are so pretty and I am falling in love with you.
Girl : Really ? but you haven't met my friend yet, she is prettier than me,
and she is just right behind you (the guy looked behind him but found no one),
Boy : Are u making fun of me, there is no one behind me.
Girl : I know she replied, but if you really love me, you won't look back.

Some more Sardars...

2010-02-20T13:10:00.001-08:00

Interviewer:

what is your birth date?

Sardar: 13th October

Which year?

Sardar: Oye bewakoof _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked sardar at an interview.

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,

Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why?

Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:

Any great man born in this village???

Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi

So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

When sardar was traveling

with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted,

"You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive.

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?

Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..

Friend: How do u know?

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!

Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?

Sardar: ZEBRA

Teacher: How?

Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.

Manager: Do U know MS Office?

Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay ... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "

Air hostess said: "B silent."

Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"

Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my

mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call". (Had never thought of it)

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

A perfect Caring Wife...

2010-02-01T07:35:00.001-08:00

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,
combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your
husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be
pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a
nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an
especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with
chores, as this could further his stress.

Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress
worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie
and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage him to watch some type of
team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love
with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If
you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband
will regain his health.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

Definition of Globalization

2010-01-31T21:16:00.001-08:00

A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Question:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:
Princess Diana's death.

Question:
How come?

Answer :
An English princess
with an
Egyptian boyfriend
crashes
in a French tunnel,
riding in a German car
with a
Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on
Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you
change the spelling),
followed
closely by
Italian Paparazzi,
on
Japanese motorcycles,
treated
by an American doctor,
using
Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by
a Canadian,
using
American Bill Gates' technology,
and
you're probably reading
this on your computer,
that
uses Taiwanese chips,
and
a Korean monitor,
assembled by
Bangladeshi
workers
in a
Singapore plant,
transported
by Indian
truck drivers,
hijacked
by Indonesians,
unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen,
and
trucked to you by Mexican illegals..... .

That,my friends,is
Globalization !

Wonderful Definitions

2010-01-04T20:30:00.001-08:00

Wonderful Definitions

School
A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life
so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Dictionary
A place where success comes before work

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Father
A banker provided by nature

Criminal
A person no different from the rest
...except that he/she got caught

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and
your Confidence after

DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

Kobe Expect this from his wife anytime DAMM GOOD !!

2010-01-02T00:40:00.001-08:00

Expect this from your wife anytime DAMM GOOD !!

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:

Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: suit/casuals I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the lady started crying…..
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!!

HER DIARY HIS DIARY

2010-01-02T00:39:00.001-08:00

1. HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where Somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.

I don't know what to do, I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

2 - HIS DIARY

Today INDIA lost match. Bad Luck...

Husband and Wife

2010-01-02T00:19:00.001-08:00

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever

************

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

************

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping

Pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

************

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

************

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

Appreciation Accepted: MUST READ FOR LAUGHING

2009-12-22T03:41:00.001-08:00

She Gives a missed call to him .. and he calls her back..

She: Hello!

He: (are yaar...Raat ke 10 bajte nahin ki iski 2-2 second waali missed calls shuru..pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi ...kya baat hai..?

She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...

He: ( Aise hee ??? ye kya radio station hai ki aise hee .. velli !! Aur Call kahan kiya ?.. khali missed call to diya hai, roz ki tarah... ) oh...ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaan ??

She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?

He: (mai to lunch karke utha hoon na) mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon"
sun raha hu FM par....

She: nice song..

(And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")

He: ( yaaaaaaaaarrrrr .. kyun bola gaane ka naam .. ab ye Madonna saare raag gaa degi yaheen .. Saala wahan koi chipkali 'kich kich' kar rahi hai ya .. ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha ..

She: *giggles*

He: (ohhhho kya hansti hai .. aisa lag raha hai koi gaadi start kar raha hai) Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!

She: yaha sab so rahe hai...agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..

He: ( Ekdum Correct...woh yehi samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai, kisi baat par nataaz ho gayi hai ... ) Come on! Please!

She: hattt ...I don't sing that well

He: ( yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... paka kyun rahi hai ) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear ..

She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan ..

He: (mujhe tujhse jyada ajeeb lagta hai, dekh phyr bhi shaheed hone ko tayaar baitha hoon) aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
She: tumhi keh sakte ho... warna …

He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola ) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?

She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Sigh! Ok

She: I don't have that great a voice .. ye to aise hee gaa diya tha ... warna mai nahin gaati

He: ( fir aise hee ??? bada ehsaan karti agar nahin gaati .. kaan mai se khoon nikalne waala hai .. saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm

She: theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??

He: ( abbe teri !!! fas gayaaaaa ... shittttt .. aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!

She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?

He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao... meri to aaj by default neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. 'Mahiya'
from Awarapan?

She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai

He: ( Thank God .. Text book chhodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol ... ) Dhoom Machale?

She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Aye tere nakhre .. mai to jaise mara jaa raha hoon teri awaaz sun ne ke liye shakira .. koi bhi gaana gaa....mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool

(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)

She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!

He: (to shuru kyun hoti hai .. ek bar shuru hokar khatam kyun nahin karti jaldi jaldi .. ab kya eden gardens book karun, tab gayegi) Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana chahta hoon

She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho ..

He: ( Achchha ab tujhe manaane mai poore sheher ko phool leke bhejun kya ) No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na....is liye... Trying to make u comfortable ..

She: Hmmm…

He: ( ye makkhi ki tarah kya shuru ho gayi) please gaao na darling ..

She: main kal gaaun ?

He: Haaaaaannnn...jaaan bachi... nikal leta hoon...abhi mauka hai ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi

She: Hmmm

He: Good night

She: Good night

She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care...

He: Sweets dreams to u too... (kaahe ke sweet dreams .. sone degi tab na ayenge dreams .. abhi 2 minute mai fir call karegi bore karne ke liye)

After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a
missed call) ...

She: Hey.. so gaye the kya?

He: ( nahi...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha...ab teri call ke baad aadmi ke clones banaunga ) nahi jaan.

She: kya kar rahe ho?

He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai... ) Match dekh raha tha
She: theek hai tum match dekho

He: ( phone rakhegi to dekhunga na .. ya tu running commentary sunayegi) Hey it's ok... purana
match hai.

She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?

(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)

He: (Bad eh? Crazy girl .. this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing
) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable
first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bach gaya....dhatttt tereki :-( )

She sings 1 stanza from the song

'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'

He: Wow. Too good!

She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai

He: ( saamne aa jaa, fir bataata hoon .. pagal kar diya .. chalo shukr hai self realization hai... :-)... ) nahi darling you really
sing well.

She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho

He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya.....kyun bhagwaan kyun !! mere saath ye julm kyun ) Cheee! Cheee! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota

She: Hmmmm...theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..

He: ( achcha mil gayi permission .. waise tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kahan aayegi ab .. ) Good night!

She: Take care

He: You too

She: Hey....

He: ( arrre yaar..aaj ye nahi chhodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .

She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar !! dimaag ka dahi kar rakha hai .. lassi banaake peeja mere dimaag ki )
sachchi... Of course.

She: sirf jhoot

He: ( iski toh... !! jab pata hai to mujhse kya singing sensation ka award legi !! phata dhol… ) Not at all. You
sing very well..
She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!

how much for the fence

2009-12-19T20:22:00.001-08:00

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms.
She asks, ''What size please?''
''Good question," he replies, " I'm not sure,"
''Tell ya what. Right outside, there's a fence with three holes in it,
stick your dick in the holes and tell me which one it fits in,''
suggests the lady.
So he takes her advise, goes outside and puts his dick in the first
hole. A woman walks past, see's his dick and starts feeling it.
The man thinks, ''Hey, this ain't too bad.''
Then he puts his dick in the second hole, another woman walks by, and
gives him a blow job. At this point, he is literally blown away.
He quickly shoves his dick in the last hole, and yet another woman
walks by, and she starts to shag him.
After they are done rocking, he high-steps it back inside and goes to
the counter.
The assistant asks ''What size then?''
"Forget the condoms," says the man, "how much for the fence?"

Who's he going to tell

2009-12-19T20:20:00.001-08:00

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He
calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to
go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you
really going to let him get away with this?''

''No, I guess not,'' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump
into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So
he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a
hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''

To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''

Keep Going

2009-12-19T01:43:00.001-08:00

Spend 5 minutes in reading the great story underneath.

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. ..
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
'God', I said. 'Can you give me one good reason not to quit?'

His answer surprised me...

'Look around', He said. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?'

'Yes', I replied.
'When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds,
I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
'In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
'I would not quit.' He said.
'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. ..
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.'
He said to me. 'Did you know, my child, that all this time you have
been struggling,
you have actually been growing roots'

'I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.'
'Don't compare yourself to others.' He said.
'The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.
Yet, they both make the forest beautiful.'
'Your time will come', God said to me. 'You will rise high!'
'How high should I rise?' I asked.

'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return.
'As high as it can?' I questioned.
'Yes.' He said, 'Give me glory by rising as high as you can.'
I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness;
Bad days give you experiences;
Both are essential to life.

Keep going....

If seen the movie " Wednesday"...( Rephrased) for all the engineers...

2009-12-01T11:50:00.001-08:00

All of you who have seen the movie 'Wednesday'... will love these rephrased naseerudin shah dialogue's...

Project Manager Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehcan hai tumhari ?

Unkonwn Caller : Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...

mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

mein vo hoon jiski girlfriend usse friday ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi, rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe
boss ke bulane pe mein saturdary ki date cancel to nahi kar raha...

mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to...

mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain
kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal mey fasta hai.

Walk-In ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se ko bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..

I'm the…..STUPID SOFTWARE ENGINEER....

Does heart have legs

2009-11-14T01:44:00.000-08:00

Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Does heart have legs?."
The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"
Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs.

Specialist Advice by Little Johnny

2009-09-10T01:25:00.001-07:00

Specialist Advice:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer ; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ....... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Fwd: Power of Media and News ChaNneLs

2009-08-26T00:52:00.001-07:00

The year is 2020 and India's much awaited MAN-ON-THE-MOON mission is successful. The first Indian astronaut lands on the moon. The moment he steps his foot on moon he is shocked to see 2 Indians already present on the moon.

The astronaut asks them : "Who are u?"

Reply:
"Cameraman Santosh ke saath Deepak Chourasiya…...AAJ TAK"

Dimag ka shottttttttttt

2009-07-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

Julie aur Sulie do ben log rehta hai. Ben

log

maane.........judwaa.

Lekin dono main fark bole to solid. Julie

ekdum

Smart,

bole to jhakaas rapchik piece aur Sulie bole
to
ekdum halki re.

To kya hota hai maloom Sulie thee bachpan
se,
woh kya bolte hain
usko..Stubborn ..bole to ekdam yedi,
jiddi....
rehti hai.

To julie jo bhi maangti hai na...Sulie ko woh
maangta-ich hai.

Julie ko gudiya mili to Sulie ko bhi maangta tha...

Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta hai.....

Aisa karte karte bees saal guzar gaya.

To na, Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ladka
ke saath

hota hai. Aur Sulie ek fatichar funtoosh se shaadi banatha hai.

Shaadi ke baad Julie Fridge leti hai baap.

Sulie bhi pati se fridge maangtihai.

Pati salla bechara garibmanus.
Lekin biwi ko khush karne ke waaste woh Fridge
khareed leta hai.

Abhi Julie agle mahine Air Conditioner khareed
dalti hai.

Sulie bhi jidd karti hai baap.
Kya Bolti Malum: AC nahin liya to khud ko tapka daloongi.

Pati bechara aur paise markeet se udhaar leta hai aur
AC khareed leta hai......! ..

Ab Julie car khareedti hai.

Suliebhi jidd karti hai.
Pati ka dimaag satak-ta hai lekin phir bhi saala karega kya,

baap ka zameen bech dalta hai aur gaadi khareedta hai.

Thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus
khareedti hai. Sulie bhi jidd karti hai.... Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai baap.

Bolta hai "Ae item, ab dhimaag ka dahi mat bana..bahut ho gaya tera
natak. Abhi apun tera ek nahin sunega. Apun jaa rahela hai kya, yeda
samjha hai kya, To Sulie ko shorke woh chala jaata hai.

Sulie lekin apni gaadi bechkar aur paisa market
se uthakar bus khareed

leti hai......

To Julie aur Sulie apne apne bus main Ek din picnic ko jaata hai.

Bus ko park karke ! woh log ghoomne phirne ko jaata hai.

Wapas aake dekhta hai to saala dono bus main steering wheel gaayab,seat
gaayab, gear gaayab...sab kuch ghayab!!

Sulie julie ko dekhti hai aur kuch to bolti hai...........

Abhi Ekdum simple koschan: Sulie Julie ko

kya bolti hai??

* * Ye tu bhol-na * * * * *

* * * Abe soch...... * * *

* * * dhimag kaam nahi kar rehla hai kya? * * *

* * * Haar maan gaya kya??? * * *

* * * Accha chal bolich dalt hoon: * * *

" NA KUCH TERE BUS MEIN JULIE........ NA KUCH
MERE BUS MEIN..."

ae bhidu log, apun ko gaali nahi dene ka kya ?

aur apun ke upar gussa nai karne ka?
Apun ko bhi kisi ne subeh subeh yeh bhej kar apna bheja kharab kiya hai. Tere ko lage to tu bhi kisi ka
bheja kharab kar. par apun ka
nahi............samja kya.........!!!

Story.............ek lady aur tota(parrot).....

2009-07-10T03:42:00.001-07:00

Ek din ek lady shop se parrot kharidne gyi....

Usne dukandar se kaha Wasim bhai ek tota chahaiye....

Dukandar ne usse ek tota dikaya.................

Lady ne pucha is tote ki khas bat kya hai Wasim bhai...

Dukandar bola ye tota bolta hai………………………

Lady ne kaha acha………………….

Usne tote se pucha main tumhe kaisi lagti huin?

"Bahen ki laudi randi lagti hai" tote ne kaha.

Lady ne kaha wasim bhai ye to bhut badtamij tota hai gali deta hai.

Vasim bhi use ander le gya aur pani me dubaya aur pucha...

Gali dega...

Tota. Hain dunga

Vasim ..phir dubaya aur pucha .gali dega"

Tota... hain dunga....

Vasim ne phir pani me dubaya aur kaha .gali dega..

Is bar tota maan gya aur kaha nahi dunga bhai nahi dunga,,,,,

Vo use bahar le gya aur lady se kaha ye ab gali nahi dega…………

Tab lady ne usse pucha ...

Agar mere ghar pr mere sath ek aadmi aye to tum kya sochoge.

Tote ne kaha..ki tumhara pati hoga..

Lady..agr do aadmi aye to kya.

Tota.tumhara pati aur devar,

Lady.agr tin aadmi ..

Tota.tumhara pati ,devar,aur bhayiya.

Lady ...agr char aadmi aye to...

Tota.....

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,.,

.

,.,

.,

.,Wasim bhai pani lao...

Maine to pehle hi kaha tha ki

"Behen ki laudi Randi hai".

God and baniya...!!!

2009-06-11T04:48:00.001-07:00

God and Baniya...!!!

A Baniya having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God.

God happy with his prays, grants him only ONE wish!

Baniya: I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child's hands in our new home!

God: Damn !!! I still have a lot to learn from these Baniya's

Lessons learnt from the above story:-

Compile all requirements and present in one line rather boring appraiser for long time.

Man Rules - Ladied Follow them strictly

2009-04-24T23:50:00.001-07:00

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

  Finally ,  the guys' side of the story.
(   I  must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear   ' the rules '
From the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down..
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only  if you want help solvin g it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the     other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it you r self.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT n eed directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not  A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no  idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, i t   will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh.

Interview Questions

2009-04-19T00:05:00.001-07:00

Interview Story I

E: Do u have a boyfriend?

C: I have.

E: Is he working Locally?

C: No. He is working Overseas.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !

C: Why?

E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.

*********

Story II

E: Any girl friends?

C: No.

E: So far chased any before?

C: Have, but not successful.

E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?

C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This personal issue.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.

C: Why?

E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

*********

Story III

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?

C: Not quite.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.

C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?

E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

*********

Story IV

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?

C: yes

E: Is she your first lover?

C: Yes.

E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

*********

Story V

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she your first lover?

C: No. Have a few already.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper"! (Job hoper lah!)

*********

Story VI

E: Any boyfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is he rich?

C: No.

E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

********

Story VII

E: Any boyfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is he rich ?

C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.

E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to employ you, neither do we!

C: But,...... There is no position in his company.

E: Then,..... What is your qualification?

C: Secretary!

E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect your managers' working spirits.

C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.

E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!

*********

How to identify indians

2009-04-09T02:10:00.001-07:00

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil..

3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the
Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram &
Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere,
close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed.'

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything new in your house
whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they
won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and
Aunties' will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special
occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as
possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils
(got free with purchase of other stuff)

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel
(and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21.. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it
that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or
receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose
daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of
more than the speed of light.

27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if
you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover
you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign
countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of
their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them
from getting dirty.

33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it
to as many Indians as possible.

I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN

Baniya Jokes not Little Johnny jokes this time

2009-04-02T04:16:00.001-07:00


Sardaron par bahut jokes suney honge, here are some Baniya Jokes…. 
 
 
 Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya? 
 Shopkeeper: 1Rs. 
 Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai? 
 S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega. 
 Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de 
 
 Baniya on his death time. 
 My wife, where r u ? 
 Wife:Yes, I'm here 
 My sons daughters ru all here? 
 Yes, Papa 
 Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre 
 ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D 
 
 
 Baniya 14th floor se neche gira 
 Girte waqt usne 
 apni ghar ki khirki me 
 apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha 
 to chilla k bola 
 MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA! 
 
 
 Baniya ne jat ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai. 
 jat ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi. 
 jat ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari, 
 Baniya ne phir khoon dia. 
 Ab k bar jat ne till waly laddu gift kiye, 
 Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di? 
 jat:Munna…!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay:) 
 
 
 Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai, 
 kya charges hongay? 
 NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word. 
 Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye". 
 Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words! 
 Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho................ . 
 Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale . 
 
 
 Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya? 
 Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga. 
 Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha: 
 Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana. 
 
 
 Baniya ko bhoot charh gaya , 
 3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha k paas gaya aur bola, 
 Ojha sahab mujhe bahar Nikalo..! Warna me to bhookha hi mar 
 jaon ga 
 
 
 Titanic K Sath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha 
 Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha 
 Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai? 
 Baniya: Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

Few Old Joke

2009-03-25T23:12:00.001-07:00

MBA Vs BE

A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see".

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Why, what does it tell you?"


The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically. ..someone has stolen our tent".


" ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE "

Lateral Thinking (MUST READ)

2009-03-25T08:41:00.001-07:00

This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking.

Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.

Think like a wizard . . .

man
Q1. ---------
board

Ans. = man overboard

Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.

stand
Q2. ------------
i

Ans. = I understand

OK .. . .

Got the drift ?

Let's try a few now and see

how you fare ?

Q3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/

Ans. = reading between the lines

Q4. r
road
a
d

Ans. = cross road -->

Not having a good day now, are you ?

Redeem yourself.

Q5. cycle
cycle
cycle

Ans. = tricycle

Not easy to figure out ha!

0
Q6. ---------
M..D.
Ph.D.

Ans.. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought! !

knee
Q7. ------------
light

Ans. = neon light

( knee - on - light )

U can prove u r smart by getting this one.

ground
Q8. ---------------
feet feet feet feet feet feet

Ans. = six feet underground

-->

Oh no, not again ! !

Q9. he's X himself

Ans. = he's by himself

Now u messing up big time.

Q10. ecnalg

Ans. = backward glance

Not even close! !

Q11. death ..... life

Ans. = life after death

Okay last chance ..................

Q12. THINK

Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is real fundoo - - -

Q13.

ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb...

Ans. = long time no 'C' -->

malayali jokes

2009-03-23T06:51:00.001-07:00

Q: Where did the Malayali study?
A: In the ko-liage.
Q: Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
A: He is very bissi.

Q: Why did the Malayali buy and air-ticket?
A: To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.

Q: Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
A: To yearn meney.

Q: What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
A: He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

Q: Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome?
A: Because he wanted to hear pope music.

Q: How does a Malayali spell moon?
A: MOON - Yem Yo yet another Yo and Yem

Q: What is Malayali management graduate called?
A: Yem Bee Yae.

Q: What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
A: He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

Q: What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
A: An Oto

Q: And for cargo?
A: Loree

Q: Where does he pray?
A: Demble

Q: Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A: A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

Q: Name the only part of the werld, where Malayali's dont werk hard?
A: Kerala

Q: Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
A: Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting,folding and re-tying the lungi.

Jokes....

2009-03-19T07:12:00.001-07:00

Math Class

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing mathproblems when his teacher picked him to answer a question..

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting ona fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"

"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the restwould fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher."But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question foryou now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, onelicking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one suckingher cone, which one is married?

Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guessthe one sucking the cone?

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with thewedding ring on her finger.But

I like the way you are thinking..

******************************

Red and Shiny

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate theirminds, asked the class the following question, " What is bright red andshiny?"

Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire engine !!!!???"

"No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the way you think.. Anyoneelse?"

Little Susan replied that it was an apple and the teacher was happy except

Johnny of course..

Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he can ask a question to which

she nodded OK.

" What is long,hard, rounded and has hair atone end? "

"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OFTHAT TALK HERE..."

Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, butI like the way youthink"..

*******************************************************

A priest is out for an afternoon stroll and turns the corner and finds little Johnny with a hammer smashing the daylights out of

a bunch of ants. The kid is saying to himself, "I hate these fucking ants...I hate these fucking ants."

The priest is taken back by the little boy's language and talks to him, saying that God doesn't make junk.

"Tomorrow I will be coming by again and if you can tell me three things that God created that are worthless, then I will let you

continue killing the ants."

The next afternoon, the priest is out again for his walk and comes upon little Johnny smashing ants again. The priest reminds him of the agreement

that they made saying the boy agreed not to kill any more ants unless he could name three things that God created that are worthless.

Little Johnny looks up with a devilish smile and says, "I do know three things that are totally worthless. The first is a prick on a priest, the

second is tits on a nun, and the third are these fucking ants!"............

Little Johnny trying myspace

2009-03-19T07:04:00.001-07:00

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."

" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two,the sum of which is four."

Little Johny - Caught the Daddy

2009-03-19T07:02:00.001-07:00

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed putting a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously "Whatcha doin daddy?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied

"Whatcha gonna do, f*@#% him?"

Little Johny And his Solutions

2009-03-19T07:00:00.001-07:00

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"

Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."

Cutting Bole Too!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-25T21:27:00.001-08:00

कटिंग बोले तो ... भारत में दो चीजों को कहते है । अगर आप किसी रेस्टोरेंट में जाते है तो एक ग्लास चाय का जो ऊपर से आधा इंच खाली हो । दुसरा अगर किसी नाई की दुकान में जाते है तो बाल/केश कटाने को । यहाँ हम दुसरे कटिंग की बात कर रहे है ।

आज हमे हमारे मेल पर एक फोरवर्ड मिला । अब ये मत पूछियेगा की फोरवर्ड क्या है । इन्टरनेट पर अगर कुछ सबसे ज्यादा चलता है तो वो है फोरवर्ड । आपको कोई मेल मिला, पसंद आया, भेज दीजिए उसे दस अन्य लोगो को । नहीं पसंद आया तो भी भेज दीजिए, अपना टाईम वेस्ट हुआ तो दूसरो को क्यो बख्शे । तो हमे फोरवर्ड मिला, पसंद आया, तो हमने सोचा इसका हिन्दीकरण कर आप लोगो को फोरवर्ड कर दे।

तो कहानी यूं है ...

एक बुढ़ा नाई था । एक माली उसके पास कटिंग कराने गया । कटिंग के बाद जब पैसे देने चाहे तो नाई ने जवाब दिया :
माफ़ कीजिये में आपसे पैसे नही ले सकता । में समाज सेवा कर रहा हूँ । माली ख़ुशी ख़ुशी दुकान से चला गया ।

अगले दिन जब नाई दुकान पर पहुचा तो दरवाजे पर उसने पाया एक दर्जन खुशबूदार लाल गुलाब और साथ में एक "धन्यवाद" कार्ड ।

एक हलवाई उसके पास कटिंग कराने पंहुचा । उसने भी जब कटिंग के बाद जब पैसे देने चाहे तो नाई ने पैसे लेने से इनकार कर दिया । हलवाई भी ख़ुशी ख़ुशी दुकान से चला गया ।

अगले दिन जब नाई दुकान पर पहुचा तो दरवाजे पर उसने पाया एक दर्जन रस मलाई और साथ में एक "धन्यवाद" कार्ड ।

एक सॉफ्टवेयर इंजिनियर ने कटिंग कराया पैसे देने पर नाई ने पैसे लेने से इनकार कर दिया यह कह कर की वो समाज सेवा कर रहा है ।

अगले दिन जब नाई दुकान पर पहुचा तो जानते है उसने दरवाजे पर क्या पाया ...
...
...
...
...
...
...
एक दर्जन सोफ्टवेयर इंजिनियर करते हुए फ्री कटिंग का इंतज़ार । सबके हाथ में फोरवर्ड किये गए मेल के प्रिंट आऊट ।
...
...
...
...
...
...
कहानी खत्म ... अब ये मत पूछियेगा उस मेल में क्या लिखा था ... और उस नाई का पता तो बिल्कुल भी नहीं ...

BILL GATES to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

2009-02-19T21:58:00.001-08:00

BILL GATES organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says...... 'kem chho?'

The other candidate answers ........ 'ek dam majama...'

http://www.vaibhavgupta.com

Last Evacuation Drill - Ultimate

2009-02-04T07:24:00.001-08:00

Beware of False Drills:

XYZ Office -> A fire alarm rang at 6 PM when almost all shift employees
are in office(approx 5000). As usual entire office was evacuated within
3 mins & every employee gathered outside office. 10 mins
passed..................................5 more mins passed.

Security Officer -> Announcement started,

"Dear Employees - With melting
heart I am making this announcement that for many of you it will be a
last evacuation drill, as we are laying off almost 80% employee. While
moving in who-so-ever ID card won't work are layed off & all their
belongings will be couriered to them tomorrow. We followed this
approach as we don't want to fill email box size with layoff mail in
thousands & also to avoid any fight inside office.

Hope you have nice
career ahead. Please move in & try your luck."

Sardar and Practical

2009-01-27T22:30:00.001-08:00

Sardar and Practical
In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name

Jokes On Satyam Fraud

2009-01-20T08:39:00.001-08:00

Ever since the news of the Satyam fraud hit the headlines, jokes on B Ramalinga Raju and Satyam have been doing rounds on the internet and as text messages. Here are some of the best, Please don't take anything serious, its just a collection of few jokes I got from net:

Raju Raju

Yes Papa

Cheating us?

No Papa

Telling lies?

No Papa

Open your balance sheet

Ha Ha Ha

*****

S - Stealing

A - And

T - Transferring

Y - Your

A - All

M - Money

*****

New scene from Sholay

Jai: Mausi, ladka Satyam mein kaam karta hain

Mausi: Hai Ram! Aur kahin try kar raha hai kya?

Jai: Kahan Mausi, do saal Satyam me rahne ke baad koi company leti kahan hain

Mausi: Hai Ram to kya do saal se Satyam mein hi hain?

Jai: Haan socha tha do saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary bhi jyada nahin mil rahi hain use

Mausi: To kya salary bhi kam milti hain?

Jai: Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hain Mausi

Mausi: Hai hai! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska?

Jai: Senior se ladhai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to nahin milti hain na Mausi

Mausi: To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hain?

Jai: Ab do saal tak onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hain kabhi kabhi anban

Mausi: To kya ab tak ek baar bhi onsite nahin gaya?

Jai: Ab outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi likha hain Mausi

Mausi: Kya kaha! Ladka outdated technology mein kaam karata hai?

Mausi: Kaunse college se padhai ki hain?

Jai: Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar de denge!

Jai: To main yeh rishta pakka samjhu Mausi?

Mausi: Beta, kan khol kar sun lo! Sagi mausi hoon Basanti ki, koi sauteli maa nahi! Bhale hi hamaari Basanti call center wale Chandu se shaadi kar le, par Satyam ke employee se katai nahin karegi

*****

November: Ram Gopal Verma was sighted inside Taj Hotel, Mumbai

January: Ram Gopal Verma was sighted in Satyam Computers Hyderabad

*****

All Raju named chai-wallahs around BSE will be banned soon

*****

Masterji: Raju tumhare daant toh motiyon se chamak rahe hain?

Raju: Chamke kyu na Masterji? Maine apni hi company ka paisa jo khaaya hain

*****

Raju Raju sat on the wall

Raju Raju had a great fall

Balance sheet died

Shareholders cried

Raju Raju made a fraud

*****

Raju's new movie – Satyam Shivam Scandalam

Sequel to Satyam Shivam Scandalam - Raju ban gaya Gentleman

*****

Raju Da Dhaba

Our specialty

- Chicken Liability Makhani

- Chicken Understated Tangadi

- Fantasy Samosa Receivables

- Hyderabadi Continental Segregated Biryani

- Debt Pakoda

- Inflated Omelets

- Overstated Butter Naan

*****

Raj Raju Ramalinga

Tara ram pam pam

Paison ne bulwaya

Hazir hun mein aya

Hun scammers ka scam

Akal ka dushman

*****

Satyamisation

1. Inflating profits

2. Finding it tough to get a job because of bad reputation of employers (and quitting)

Examples

- I am filing a law suit against my employer. Working under him has caused me distress, depression and left me Satyamised

- (On a resume or in an interview) Reason for leaving the job: I have been Satyamised (not laid off)

Husband to the judge: "Your Honour, I want to divorce my wife. Her love for me was Satyamised

Wife: "So was his manhood"

*****

Maybe Satyam could rescue Citi Group

*****

American bankrupt companies are now not the only ones responsible for recession

*****

The name SATYAM means TRUTH; if this is the truth, God bless

*****

What Raju has done was creating money out of thin air; that's the latest invention at Satyam!

*****

'Satyam' is a one-word oxymoron

*****

Cartoon on a website:

Satyam Computers chief Ramalinga Raju confessed that he cooked books to show more profits. Soon we'll see more demand for cooks in the corporate world!

*****

A recently created website NailTheThief.com has put up a game with the objective, "Hit Ramalinga Raju in the face with rotten eggs."

*****

A comment on a blog post on Satyam humour reads, "We have Satyam cartoons, Satyam nursery rhymes... soon we'll have Satyam soap bars to miraculously hide (not clean) your dirt."

Cutesy - www.nogyan.com

Mallu - Mr Malayali Jokes

2009-01-18T05:25:00.001-08:00

Nothing intentional, its just for a smile for few minutes.

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?

IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?

In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?

He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?

To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?

To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?

He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?

MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?

Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?

He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?

An Oto

11) Where does he pray?

In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?

A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?

Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?

Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?

He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?

" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?

Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

LUCKY JOHNNY - Little Johny Jokes

2009-01-08T04:53:00.001-08:00

Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying, "Johnny, this is where you came from."

Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."

"Why?" one asked.

Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd".

Little Johny - Wants to Settle Down now

2009-01-08T04:52:00.001-08:00

LITTLE JOHNNY WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN NOW

Little Johnny and Little Lisa are only 10 years old, but they know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Lisa's father to ask for his blessing.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Jones, me and Lisa are in love and I want to ask you for your blessing."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Jones replies, "Well Johnny, you're only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Lisa's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just cute, Mr. Jones says, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. How will you afford food and rent?"

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "With our allowance. Lisa gets 5 bucks a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Jones is realizing that Johnny has put much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

He then says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you've got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should kids of your own?"

Johnny shrugs his shoulders and says "We've been lucky so far..."

Wish you a Very Happy New Year

2009-01-02T01:03:00.001-08:00

Wish you a Very Happy and Prosperous New Year.
May this year shower lots of love and happiness in your life

Keep Smiling Always

Vaibhav Gupta

-----------------------------------

IM me at -

GTalk: vaibhavgupta28@gmail.com

Yahoo: guptavaibhav28@yahoo.com

MSN: vaibhav@obinttechnologies.com

Skype: vaibhav.gupta

http://www.obinttechnologies.com

-----------------------------------

What a Joke :-0

2008-12-11T02:14:00.001-08:00

1. Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy...

2. Yesterday's news : An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today's news: More aunties found jogging.

3. How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?
By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE

4. Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:
SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside.

6. Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady : Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain !
Santa : Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta.

7. Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for identification parade.

When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: "Yahi thee, Yahi thee"

8. Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks:

Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.

The Real love story - Happened in Gujrat

2008-11-20T23:04:00.001-08:00

A boy and a girl were in love.

When the girl's father came to know
about their love, he did not like it at
all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers
decided to leave their homes for a happy
future.

The girl's father started searching for
the two lovers but could not find
them .

At last, he accepted their love and
asked them to come back home thru a

local newspaper. Her father said "If
you both come back I will allow you to marry the
guy you love, I accept that you loved
each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they
returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop
for the wedding dress. He was dressed
in a white shirt that day. While he was
crossing the road to the other side to
get some drinks for his wife, a car
came and hit him and he died on the spot.

The girl was devastated and lost her
senses. It was only after sometime that
she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very
next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had
a dream in which she saw an old lady.
The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood
stains of the guy from her daughter's
dress as soon as possible. But her
mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same
dream , he also ignored it. Then the
girl had the same dream the next night, she
woke up in fear and told her mother
about the dream. Her mother asked her
to wash the clothes with the blood
stains

immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained.
Next night she again had the same
dream. She again washed the stains but some
still remained. But again the next
night she had the same dream and this
time the old lady gave her a last
warning to wash the blood stain, or
else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to
wash the stains, and the clothes
nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while
she was alone at home, someone knocked
on the door. When she opened the door
she saw the same old lady of her dream
standing at her door. She got very
scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her
a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked "What is this...?" The old
lady replied...

..

.. .

..

..

..

..

..

"This is Nirma Washing Powder"

"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder
nirma

Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,

Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,

sabki pasand nirma

Washing powder nirma,Washing powder
nirma.Nirma"

10 ka 1, do pe ek free

I know how you all are feeling now...

I have been through this too.

Little Johnny Recession Days Market is Down Johnny

2008-11-18T23:37:00.001-08:00

A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father did for a living.

The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman.”

The next child, a little boy said: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”

And so it went until one little boy said: “My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay club.”

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later, in the school yard, the teacher

approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.

Little Johnny blushed and said, “No, he’s really a Business Development Director at Infosys, but I’m just too embarrassed to tell anyone.”

Satyam

Infosys

Yahoo

Google

Little Johnny Recession Days Market is Down Johnny

2008-11-18T23:37:00.000-08:00

A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father did for a living.

The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman.”

The next child, a little boy said: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”

And so it went until one little boy said: “My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay club.”

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later, in the school yard, the teacher

approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.

Little Johnny blushed and said, “No, he’s really a Business Development Director at Lehmaan Brothers, but I’m just too embarrassed to tell anyone.”

Little Johnny and President candidate - an example of a tragedy

2008-11-10T21:34:00.001-08:00

Presidential candidate, Rakss was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the presidential candidate if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious democrat presidential candidate asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'

'No,' said Rakss, 'that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.'

'I'm afraid not,' explained Rakss. 'That's what we would call great loss.'
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Rakss searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said:
'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Rakss was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Rakss. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be a accident either.'

Little Johnny vs. President Fans - Election Time Joke

2008-11-10T21:29:00.001-08:00

A teacher in Elmira , New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were President fans.
Not really knowing what an President fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for ......Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an President fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an President fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom 's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me ......an President fan.'

Funny Little Johnny Jokes - Funny Jokes

2008-11-05T04:18:00.001-08:00

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
______________________________ _____________________________

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
______________________________ _____________________________
TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
______________________________ _____________________________

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
______________________________ _____________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
______________________________ _____________________________

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
______________________________ _____________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________________________ ____________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

Election Jokes

2008-11-03T01:37:00.001-08:00

All funny Election jokes @

http://www.101funjokes.com/election-jokes.htm

How to kill your mother in law

2008-10-24T01:07:00.001-07:00

How to kill your mother in law

A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.

Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting.

But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband! D great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-! law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs.

She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."

Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.

Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy.

She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper!r, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life through you. Send this to your friends and spread the POWER OF LOVE.

After Lunch Jokes - Take them easy

2008-10-17T02:44:00.001-07:00

Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??

Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )

Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI

Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi
but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? :-)

Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener

Q4. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which
movie did he really want to see?

Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai!

Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?

Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ??

Socho....... ........

Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?

Ans:- adidas

Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls

into the well. Why ?

Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!

Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.

Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

Want one more...

Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??

Ans:- D'Cold chain ki saans - D'cold

Q10. chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite

simple..

Ans:- D'Cold again kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi

Q11. Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the. Bus aayi -
Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?

Ans:- Because Mayuri 'can - go'.

Ek aur..

Q12. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par

Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon?? think harder...

Ans:-Kyonke woh Kajol ko chorne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha...

Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe

Q13. kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal

chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???

Ans :- Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!

aur chhaiye...theek hai

Q15. Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade the... bus aai aur
Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti Kapoor nahin jata Qyo???

Ans :- Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor dusri bus ke wait kar raha tha

aakhri sawaal ....

Q16. Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the...bus aai aur Pran chad
jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata Qyo???

Ans :- pran jaye per bacchan na jaye

Chalo last one ha !

Q17..Kapil Dev goes to Echo point and shouts loudly 'Pamolive' But there dont

come any echo sound why ?

Ans:- Because Palmolive ka jawab nahi !!

Investment Ideas! INVEST WISELY !!

2008-10-15T22:16:00.001-07:00

Investment Ideas!

If you purchased $1,000 of Delta Airlines stock 1 year ago, you would have $49 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of AIG stock 1 year ago, you would have $33 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of Lehman Brothers stock 1 year ago, you would have $0.0 today.

But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer 1 year ago, drank all the beer, returned the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you wouldhave $214.

INVEST WISELY !!

Collection of little johnny's funny jokes and lot more..

2008-10-15T21:05:00.001-07:00

Digg this blog by clicking - http://digg.com/comedy/Collection_of_little_johnny_s_funny_jokes_and_lot_moreRead great Little Johnny Jokes here, Its a great and one point collection to read and laugh.Read one snapshot of Little Johnny --Little Johny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?." The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?" Johny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."

read more | digg story

Gift - An Italian girl - Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent

2008-10-14T22:03:00.001-07:00

GIFT

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said

"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"

Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!

One Bedroom Flat!!! Written by an Indian Software Engineer.. A Bitter Reality

2008-10-14T06:04:00.001-07:00

WRITTEN BY AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER..
A
Bitter Reality

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in
Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the
land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it
was as if a dream had come true.

Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I
would be staying in this country for about Five years in which
time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.

My father was a government employee and after his retirement,
the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.

I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling
homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and
speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone
cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and
pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange
rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.

Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have
only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within
these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight.
Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for
all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be
talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through
all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting
shorter I was forced to select one candidate.

In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get
married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After
the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some
money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after
them, we returned to USA.

My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she
started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India
increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our
savings started diminishing.

After two more years we started to
have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us
by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked
me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.

Every year I decide to go to India… But part work part
monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting
Indiawas a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a
message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I
couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India ... The
next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there
was no one to do the last rights the society members had done
whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed
away without seeing their grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children's
dislike and my wife's joy we returned to Indiato settle down.
I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my
savings were short and the property prices had gone up during
all these years. I had to return to the USA...

My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to
stay in India... My 2 children and I returned to USAafter
promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.

Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an
American and my son was happy living in USA... I decided that
had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India.... I
had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a
well-developed locality.

Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is
for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife
has also left me and gone to the holy abode.

Sometimes

I wondered was it worth all this?

My father, even after staying in India,

Had a house to his name and I too have
the same nothing more.

I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.

Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing.
This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these
children are losing their values and culture because of it. I
get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well
at least they remember me.

Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will
be performing my last rights, God Bless them.

But the question
still
remains 'was all this worth it?'

I am still searching for an answer.................!!!

START THINKING

IS IT JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BEDROOM???

LIFE IS BEYOND THIS …..DON'T JUST LEAVE YOUR LIFE ……..
START LIVING IT …….
LIVE ITAS YOU WANT IT TO BE …….

One Bedroom Flat!!! Written by an Indian Software Engineer.. A Bitter Reality

2008-10-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

Your Joke Site - Little Johnny

2008-10-12T11:04:00.001-07:00

Collection of Little Johnny's Funny Jokes and lot more.... All for your Little Johnny To add your jokes to the blog please mail Little Johny (littlejohny.blogspot@googlemail.com) and We will add your blog to the site.

-- Little Johnny

-- Little Johny

-- Little Joohnny

-- Santa Banta

-- You and Me

Little Johnny - Mummy's Ballons

2008-10-12T11:01:00.001-07:00

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Little Johnny - Mummy's Black Sponge

2008-10-12T11:00:00.001-07:00

Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

Little Johnny - Do Hearts Have Legs ?

2008-10-12T10:59:00.001-07:00

Little Johny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."

The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"

Johny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."

Never Ever Lie To A Woman

2008-10-07T20:53:00.001-07:00

The Mistake You Cannot Forget

You say you cannot forget
And you aren't ready to forgive
But I need your friendship
More than you'll even know
I need you there to live

Without you by my side today
Life's been going, oh so slow
I miss your calls
Our endless talks
The places we would go

You can't even bear to look at me,
And I know my mistake
For because of one night,
And a few thoughtless actions,
When you saw me you ran and hid

I know we cannot take it back
As much as we would like to
But we could forget
And start all over
Just friends, that's me and you

If time is what you need,
Then I guess that's what you'll get
But I need you there for me soon,
My friend,
I hope you will forget.

Excellent story by a Tata Employee... For all Software Engineers

2008-10-04T12:29:00.003-07:00

Award Winning Story........

Toooooo goood……….

There was a contest in a company to write a fictional story for 500 words max which would start with the line"On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station"

This is what a guy wrote for the contest........ And surprisingly, it was adjudged the best short story :)

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprisedto see the phrase"appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders.

My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

Excellent story by a Motorola Employee... For all Software Engineers

2008-10-04T12:29:00.001-07:00

Excellent story by a Vodafone Employee... For all Software Engineers

2008-10-04T12:28:00.001-07:00

Award Winning Story........

Toooooo goood……….

There was a contest in Vodafone to write a fictional story for 500 words max which would start with the line"On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station"

This is what a guy wrote for the contest........ And surprisingly, it was adjudged the best short story :)

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprisedto see the phrase"appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders.

My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

Excellent story by a Reliance Employee... For all Software Engineers

2008-10-04T12:27:00.001-07:00

Award Winning Story........

Toooooo goood……….

There was a contest in Reliance to write a fictional story for 500 words max which would start with the line"On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station"

This is what a guy wrote for the contest........ And surprisingly, it was adjudged the best short story :)

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprisedto see the phrase"appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders.

My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

Excellent story by a TCS Employee... For all Software Engineers

2008-10-04T12:26:00.003-07:00

Award Winning Story........

Toooooo goood……….

There was a contest in TCS to write a fictional story for 500 words max which would start with the line"On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station"

This is what a guy wrote for the contest........ And surprisingly, it was adjudged the best short story :)

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprisedto see the phrase"appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders.

My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

Excellent story by a Wipro Employee... For all Software Engineers

2008-10-04T12:26:00.001-07:00

Award Winning Story........

Toooooo goood……….

There was a contest in Wipro to write a fictional story for 500 words max which would start with the line"On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station"

This is what a guy wrote for the contest........ And surprisingly, it was adjudged the best short story :)

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprisedto see the phrase"appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders.

My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

Excellent story by a Infosys Employee... For all Software Engineers

2008-10-04T12:25:00.001-07:00

Award Winning Story........

Toooooo goood……….

There was a contest in Infosys to write a fictional story for 500 words max which would start with the line"On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station"

This is what a guy wrote for the contest........ And surprisingly, it was adjudged the best short story :)

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprisedto see the phrase"appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders.

My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

BEER PHILOSOPHY

2008-09-29T23:30:00.001-07:00

"Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, 'It
is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver'"

-- Babe Ruth

************************************************************************

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with
fools."

-- Ernest Hemingway

************************************************************************

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

-- Paul Hornung

*********************************************

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

-- H.L. Mencken

************************************************************************

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

-- George Bernard Shaw

************************************************************************

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

-- Benjamin Franklin

************************************************************************

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

-- Dave Barry

************************************************************************

"Remember, it's "I" before "E", except in Budweiser."

-- Professor Irwin Corey

************************************************************************

"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a 'support group'. Salvation in a
can!"

-- Leo Durocher

************************************************************************

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."

-- Cliff Clavin

Welcome to the Stock Market!!

2008-09-24T23:42:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to thevillagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50.

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!

Welcome to the Stock Market!!

Re: bollywood movies online

2008-09-22T02:58:00.001-07:00

==========Watch Movies Online==========

Hindi

http://www.ibollytv.com/

http://www.hindilinks4u.net/

http://filmydesi.blogspot.com

English

http://www.watch-movies.net/

Scare the hell out of your co-passengers

2008-09-19T03:21:00.001-07:00

If you're sitting next to someone on a plane who irritates you, try doing this:

Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
Remove your laptop.
Start it up.
Make sure the fellow traveller who is annoying you can see the screen.
Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips like you are praying.
Then click here

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

2008-09-16T04:14:00.001-07:00

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?
Trust me try this, it takes only few seconds.

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.. Your foot will change direction!!!

I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it.

Keep Trying

Sardar Time

2008-09-15T01:54:00.001-07:00

Doctor to sardar patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.
Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le lit hi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?
Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!
Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

Job Change....

2008-09-11T22:56:00.001-07:00

Once a cab driver was driving. Suddenly, the passenger on the back seat
touched the cab driver's shoulder to say something. The cab driver
screamed, went out of the lane, just managed to prevent an accident and
the cab just stopped 1 inch away from a toy shop. Both the driver and
the passenger yelled - "Weuffff!!! Thanks God".
The passenger apologized to the driver - "Hey, I didn't know that one
touch of mine could make you afraid so much. I am sorry."
The cab driver replied - "Hey, it's not your fault. Actually this is the
first day of me as a cab driver. Earlier I was driving a van since 25
years which used to carry deadbodies...."

So, think before you make a job switch !!!

Relation between Girls & Computer

2008-09-05T04:39:00.001-07:00

HARD-DISK Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Girls:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her,
she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources.
If you try to uninstall her you will lose something,
if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.. ......... .

How we love our politicians ...

2008-09-04T22:46:00.001-07:00

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the freeway. Nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and
asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Lalu ji, Advani ji, Sonia ji, Rabri ji, Mayavati devi, Narendra Modi, etc. They're asking for a Rs.500000 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a litre."

Little Johnny in Class

2008-08-27T23:54:00.001-07:00

A third grade teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly said. "My family went to the New York City Zoo and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Statue of Liberty and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good, Sally, but I want the word 'fascinate.'"

Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are so big, she can only fasten eight."

The teacher fainted..........!!!

Little Johnny guessing objects

2008-08-27T23:52:00.001-07:00

The teacher told the class that today they'd be guessing objects from physical description. She said, "I will hold an object under my desk and physically describe it to you, and then class, you have to tell me what you think it is I have under my desk." First the teacher said, "I have something long and yellow, what is it?" Sally raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, "What do you think it is Sally?" "It's a banana", replied Sally. "No, it's a pencil" said the teacher, "But I like the way you think." Next the teacher said, "I'm holding something round and red, what is it?" Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, "What do you think it is Billy?" "It's a tomato" says Billy. "No, it's an apple" says the teacher, "but I like the way you think." Little Johnny raises his hand so the teacher calls on him and says, "Yes Little Johnny." "Well Ms. Smith, I have one for you" says Little Johnny. "Okay says the teacher." "What's round, hard, and has a head?" replied Little Johnny. "Oh no, Little Johnny that is not appropriate for school at all." says the teacher. "It's a quarter" says Little Johnny, "but I like the way you think."