Fwd: Power of Media and News ChaNneLs

The year is 2020 and India's much awaited MAN-ON-THE-MOON mission is successful. The first Indian astronaut lands on the moon. The moment he steps his foot on moon he is shocked to see 2 Indians already present on the moon.
 
The astronaut asks them : "Who are u?"

Reply:
"Cameraman Santosh ke saath Deepak Chourasiya…...AAJ TAK" 

Dimag ka shottttttttttt

Julie aur Sulie do ben log rehta hai. Ben

log

maane.........judwaa.



Lekin dono main fark bole to solid. Julie

ekdum

Smart,


bole to jhakaas rapchik piece aur Sulie bole
to
ekdum halki re.


To kya hota hai maloom Sulie thee bachpan
se,
woh kya bolte hain
usko..Stubborn ..bole to ekdam yedi,
jiddi....
rehti hai.


To julie jo bhi maangti hai na...Sulie ko woh
maangta-ich hai.




Julie ko gudiya mili to Sulie ko bhi maangta tha...



Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta hai.....



Aisa karte karte bees saal guzar gaya.


To na, Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ladka
ke saath




hota hai. Aur Sulie ek fatichar funtoosh se shaadi banatha hai.





Shaadi ke baad Julie Fridge leti hai baap.




Sulie bhi pati se fridge maangtihai.



Pati salla bechara garibmanus.
Lekin biwi ko khush karne ke waaste woh Fridge
khareed leta hai.




Abhi Julie agle mahine Air Conditioner khareed
dalti hai.


Sulie bhi jidd karti hai baap.
Kya Bolti Malum: AC nahin liya to khud ko tapka daloongi.


Pati bechara aur paise markeet se udhaar leta hai aur
AC khareed leta hai......! ..



Ab Julie car khareedti hai.



Suliebhi jidd karti hai.
Pati ka dimaag satak-ta hai lekin phir bhi saala karega kya,


baap ka zameen bech dalta hai aur gaadi khareedta hai.



Thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus
khareedti hai. Sulie bhi jidd karti hai.... Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai baap.



Bolta hai "Ae item, ab dhimaag ka dahi mat bana..bahut ho gaya tera
natak. Abhi apun tera ek nahin sunega. Apun jaa rahela hai kya, yeda
samjha hai kya, To Sulie ko shorke woh chala jaata hai.


Sulie lekin apni gaadi bechkar aur paisa market
se uthakar bus khareed


leti hai......



To Julie aur Sulie apne apne bus main Ek din picnic ko jaata hai.



Bus ko park karke ! woh log ghoomne phirne ko jaata hai.



Wapas aake dekhta hai to saala dono bus main steering wheel gaayab,seat
gaayab, gear gaayab...sab kuch ghayab!!




Sulie julie ko dekhti hai aur kuch to bolti hai...........

Abhi Ekdum simple koschan: Sulie Julie ko

kya bolti hai??





* * Ye tu bhol-na * * * * *

* * * Abe soch...... * * *





* * * dhimag kaam nahi kar rehla hai kya? * * *






* * * Haar maan gaya kya??? * * *







* * * Accha chal bolich dalt hoon: * * *








" NA KUCH TERE BUS MEIN JULIE........ NA KUCH
MERE BUS MEIN..."




ae bhidu log, apun ko gaali nahi dene ka kya ?




aur apun ke upar gussa nai karne ka?
Apun ko bhi kisi ne subeh subeh yeh bhej kar apna bheja kharab kiya hai. Tere ko lage to tu bhi kisi ka
bheja kharab kar. par apun ka
nahi............samja kya.........!!!

 

Story.............ek lady aur tota(parrot).....

Ek din ek lady shop se parrot kharidne gyi....



Usne dukandar se kaha Wasim bhai ek tota chahaiye....



Dukandar ne usse ek tota dikaya.................



Lady ne pucha is tote ki khas bat kya hai Wasim bhai...







Dukandar bola ye tota bolta hai………………………



Lady ne kaha acha………………….



Usne tote se pucha main tumhe kaisi lagti huin?



"Bahen ki laudi randi lagti hai" tote ne kaha.





Lady ne kaha wasim bhai ye to bhut badtamij tota hai gali deta hai.



Vasim bhi use ander le gya aur pani me dubaya aur pucha...



Gali dega...



Tota. Hain dunga



Vasim ..phir dubaya aur pucha .gali dega"



Tota... hain dunga....



Vasim ne phir pani me dubaya aur kaha .gali dega..



Is bar tota maan gya aur kaha nahi dunga bhai nahi dunga,,,,,







Vo use bahar le gya aur lady se kaha ye ab gali nahi dega…………



Tab lady ne usse pucha ...



Agar mere ghar pr mere sath ek aadmi aye  to tum kya sochoge.



Tote ne kaha..ki tumhara pati hoga..



Lady..agr do aadmi aye to kya.



Tota.tumhara pati aur devar,



Lady.agr tin aadmi ..



Tota.tumhara pati ,devar,aur bhayiya.



Lady ...agr char aadmi aye to...



Tota.....











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.,Wasim bhai pani lao...



Maine to pehle hi kaha tha ki



"Behen ki laudi Randi hai".

 

God and baniya...!!!

  God and Baniya...!!! 

 

A Baniya having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God.

God happy with his prays, grants him only ONE wish!

Baniya: I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child's hands in our new home!

God: Damn !!! I still have a lot to learn from these Baniya's

Lessons learnt from the above story:-

Compile all requirements and present in one line rather boring appraiser for long time. 

Man Rules - Ladied Follow them strictly

The Man Rules
At  last a guy has taken the time to write this all down      

 

  Finally ,  the guys' side of the story.
(   I  must admit, it's pretty good.) 
We always hear   ' the rules '
From the female side  

 

  Now here are the rules from the male side.    

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' 
ON PURPOSE!  

 

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down..
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon 
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only  if you want help solvin g it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. 


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the     other one  

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it you r self.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT n eed directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not  A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no  idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, i t   will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .  

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh. 

Pass this to as many women as you can -  

                                 to give them a bigger laugh.   

Interview Questions

Interview Story I

E: Do u have a boyfriend?

C: I have.

E: Is he working Locally?

C: No. He is working Overseas.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !

C: Why?

E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.

*********

Story II

E: Any girl friends?

C: No.

E: So far chased any before?

C: Have, but not successful.

E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?

C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This personal issue.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.

C: Why?

E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

*********

Story III

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?

C: Not quite.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.

C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?

E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

*********

Story IV

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?

C: yes

E: Is she your first lover?

C: Yes.

E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

*********

Story V

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she your first lover?

C: No. Have a few already.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper"! (Job hoper lah!)

*********

Story VI

E: Any boyfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is he rich?

C: No.

E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

********

Story VII

E: Any boyfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is he rich ?

C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.

E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to employ you, neither do we!

C: But,...... There is no position in his company.

E: Then,..... What is your qualification?

C: Secretary!

E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect your managers' working spirits.

C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.

E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!

*********

How to identify indians

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil..

3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the
Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram &
Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere,
close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed.' 

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything new in your house
whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch. 

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they
won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and
Aunties' will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special
occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage. 

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as
possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils
(got free with purchase of other stuff)

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel 
(and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21.. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. 

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it
that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or
receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose
daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of
more than the speed of light.

27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if
you've eaten, even if it's midnight. 

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover
you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign 
countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of
their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them
from getting dirty.

33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than 600 people. 

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping. 

37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it
to as many Indians as possible.

I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN