Is hell exothermic or endothermic?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Here is the "Bonus Question" on the exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.   So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1.. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2.. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (a girlfriend of mine during my Freshman year) that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is Exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

Software Professional's Love Letter

Dear Ms. Baby,
I saw you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time, I've been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is just an uncompiled program without you that never produces an executable code and hence is useless.

You not only have a beautiful face, but all your Activex controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful that it ncourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you looked at me last evening, I felt all my program modules running smoothly and giving expected results, which I have never experienced before.

With this letter, I just want to convey that, if we linked together, I'll provide you with all the objects and libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life. Also don't bother about the firewall, which may be created by our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them accept our marriage.

I anticipate that nobody is already logged into your database so that my connect script would fail. And it's all certain that if this happened to me, I will crash my system beyond recovery. Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox.

Only yours,
Software Professional.

Some hidden meanings in the funny dictionary

Some hidden meanings in the funny dictionary

Smile - A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Rumor - News that travels at the speed of sound.

Dictionary- The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

College - A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

Ecstasy - A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.

Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. - A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Classic - A book which people praise, but do not read.

Marriage - It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.
Worry - Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Experience- The name men give to their mistakes.

Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom Bomb - An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher-A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat - A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Optimist - A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Pessimist - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .
Miser - A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father - A banker provided by nature.

Criminal - A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.

Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician- One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor - A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

read kar liya.....abhi hanso...


--
Keep Smiling...
__._,_.__

Dr Santa Singh...

Have you heard of Mr. Santa Singh applying to a medical school to
become a doctor?

Needless to say he never made it. You know why?

These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.
Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.
Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.
Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/well known.
Labour pain - hurt at work.
Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.
Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - in favor of teens.
Pulse - grain.
Pus - small cat.
Red blood count - Dracula.
Secretion - hiding anything.
Tablet - small table.
Ultrasound - radical noise.

Jokes

Hathi Weds Macharni!
Ek baar ek Hathi (male) aur ek Machhar (female) mein pyaar ho jata hai.

Dono ka affair bahut dino tak chalta hai. Sab log bate karne lagte hain.
Akhir sharmakar, machhar hathi se bolti hain "Abhi apun dono ko shaadi kar leni chahiye
...duniya wale bahut bate karne lage hain...mera jeena mushkil ho gaya hain."
Abhi dono ko bhagkar shaadi karni hai...isliye dono Marriage Registrar ke yahan application

dete hain aur ek mahine baad registered marriage karte hain...Abhi dono honeymoon ka plan

karte hain...
Dono Kerala jate hai (with Kesari Tours)...Honeymoon hone ke baad jab durse din subah hathi

ki aakh khulti hain to dektha hain ki bechari machhar mar gayi hain...
yes...she is dead...;-)
Now the question for you is "Kyon?"
.
.
.
.
Guess...
.
.
.
.
.Stress your brain, you naughty...
.
.
.
.
Because, hathi raat ko "Good KNight" laga ke sota hain.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha... What else were you thinking?
-------------------------------
Driving Styles!
One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator... - Boston
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in
back seat - Italy
One hand on horn,
one hand greeting,
one ear on cell phone,
one ear listening to loud music,
foot on accelerator,
eyes on female pedestrians,
conversation with someone in next car - Welcome to India!

Me and My Boss....

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets

Great Details of companies...

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds

8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings

12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible

13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort

14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers

15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go

17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.

18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India

19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees

Happy Independence Day

                             JAI H
              JAI HIN JA
               JAI HIND JAI HI
                 JAI HIND JAI H
               JAI HIND JAI HI
                JAI HIND JAI
                JAI HIND JAI
                  JAI HIND JAI
                  JAI HIND
                  JAI HIND J
                 JAI HIND JAI H
               JAI HIND JAI HIN
              JAI HIND JAI HIN                                  JAI H
            JAI HIND JAI HIND J                               JAI HIND J
           JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI H                 J         JAI HIND J
      JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI              JA     JAI HIND JAI
     JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J        JA      JAI HIND
      JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN
       JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J JAI HIND JAI
        JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND  JAI HIND JAI
 JAI HI JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN        JAI HI
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND      JAI H
    JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI        JAI
   JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN        J
    JAI HI JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI
     JAI H JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J
            JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND
           JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND
            JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI
            JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI
            JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J
            JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND
            JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN
             JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HI
              JAI HIND JAI HIND JA
              JAI HIND JAI HIND J
               JAI HIND JAI HIN
                JAI HIND JAI HIN
                JAI HIND JAI HI
                 JAI HIND JAI H
                  JAI HIND JAI
                  JAI HIND JAI
                  JAI HIND JAI
                    JAI HIND
                    JAI HIN
                     JAI HI
                      JAI H
                       JAI

Good ones....

Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman .you have only 2 eyes but you sight every woman.
Now who is Ravan????

Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain..
Please tell them your age!!

Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush.

Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.

Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga , pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai.

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 maale se gir gaya tha
Banta: toh fir bach gaya ya mar gaya ?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai...ghar ke sab khilone chhupa do
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pehchan lega.

In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state (brilliant ans).

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room , how can you escape if it caught fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.

Sardar starts shouting in a store.. where is my free gift with this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.

Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

Sardar: in my dreams rats play football evry night
DR: take this tablet you will be ok
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final match.

PJ

Mere dil ko tab bahat jhatka laga jab maine ek ladke(boy) ko mandir(tample) mai CIGRATTE peete dekha..

GHOR KALYUG

You can't believe, mere hath se WHISKY ki bottel gir gayi..


------------------------------

--

ADMI NAAI SE: MERI TERE NAAM WALI CUTTING KAR DO.
NAAI USKI TAKLA KAR DETA HAI
ADMI GHUSSAY SE: YE KYA KIYA HAI ???
NAAI: MAIN KYA KAROON MAIN NE DEKHI HI END SE HAI.

---------------------------
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"
--------------------------------------
police ki naukari k liye interview liya jaa raha tha ...aur apna bihaari lal bhi jaa pahunche....
officer ne bihaari se poocha...."agar bina laathi ya goli chalaaye bheed ko thithar bhithar karne ko kahaa jaaye tho tum kya karoge"
bihaari lal phat se jawaab diya..."jee mai jholi failaa kar chanda maangne lagoonga..."
---------------------------

Raat ka time jab Munna aur chinkie apnay bed room mien so rahay thay to phone ki ghanti baji.

Voice: Aray Doctor sahab jaldi aayeay! Meray betay nay blade kha liya hai

Munna abhi jaanay k liye tayyar hi hota k dobara phone aata hai.

Voice: Doctor Sahab! Ab aanay ki koi zaroorat nahi, meray husband ko shave k liye doosra blade mil gaya hai.

------------------------

One day RAVAN went to disco... aur woh behosh ho gaya, due to shock.....!

why.....??







" Coz the entry fee was Rs. 1500 per HEAD...!!!

Hasna Mana Hai

1.
Sonu:mere papa  jisko chahe maar sakte hai jisko chahe
chor sakte hai
billu:kyun tere paapa bahut takatwar hai kya?
Sonu:nahi woh blue line bus mei driver hai

2.
Sunny(waiter se):aray ismei murge ki taang toh hai hi nahi
waiter:murga langa tha sir
Sunny:Lekin iska toh dimag bhi nahi aaya
waiter:uska dimag nahi tha sir
Sunny:lekin iska Dil kahan gaya
Waiter:Sorry sir woh toh murgi le gayi
3.
Husband or wife mei ladai ho gayi
raat ko 12 baze pati ne patni ko phone kiya or poocha
aaj khane mei kya banaya hai?
Patni boli zehar banaya hai
Pati bola mei aaj aane mei late ho jaaonga tum kha kar so jao

HUMOROUS DEFINATIONS

# Father- A banker provided by nature.
# Boss- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
# Rumour- News that travels at the speed of sound.
#Dictionary- The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
#Office- A place where you can relax after strenuous home life.
#Etc. - A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
# Marriage- It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and a woman gains her master's.
# Worry- Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
# Atom bomb- An invention to end all inventions.
# Optimist- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
# Pessimist- A person who says that O is the last letter of ZERO instead of the first letter of OPPURTUNITY.
# Miser- A person who lives in poor so that he can die rich.
# Politician- One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence later.

 

Tester & Developer

 

Bug logging in Myuhc project.  – For Fun only

How Roshan D'Mello (QA Tester) frustrates developer (Mukesh Thakur)

 

Roshan D'Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.

Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.

 

After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.

 

After another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello:  I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.

 

After another 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.

 

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello:  I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.

Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.

 

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello:  I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.

 

Another 2 days later,

Mukesh Thakur:   Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.

 

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello:  I have re-opened the bug.

Mukesh Thakur:   What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?

Roshan D'Mello:  Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.

 

After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.

 

After 1 year

Roshan D'Mello:  I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

Mukesh Thakur: GROWLLLL…..I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.

Roshan D'Mello:   No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.

Mukesh Thakur: (not alive)

 

--
Keep Smiling...
__._,_.__

Santa -- Banta

    Just For   Smiles...!!  
Santa :   I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta :  Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!  

     

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa..
Daku  : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

     

     

Banta :  Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi.
Santa :  Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?  
     

Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa :    A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...!
Bunta :    Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa :   Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!
       

Santa :   Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta :   Kyoo Ji ?
Santa :    Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

     

Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa     :   Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.  
Jasmeet :   Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa     :   Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke...  
Jasmeet :    Phone Mere Liye Tha!

     

Santa  : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.

     
 

     

Santa :   Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta :    Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.

     

Banta :  Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa :  Kaise?
Banta :   Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

     

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