Man Rules - Ladied Follow them strictly

The Man Rules
At  last a guy has taken the time to write this all down      

 

  Finally ,  the guys' side of the story.
(   I  must admit, it's pretty good.) 
We always hear   ' the rules '
From the female side  

 

  Now here are the rules from the male side.    

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' 
ON PURPOSE!  

 

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down..
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon 
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only  if you want help solvin g it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. 


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the     other one  

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it you r self.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT n eed directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not  A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no  idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, i t   will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .  

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh. 

Pass this to as many women as you can -  

                                 to give them a bigger laugh.   

Interview Questions

Interview Story I

E: Do u have a boyfriend?

C: I have.

E: Is he working Locally?

C: No. He is working Overseas.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !

C: Why?

E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.

*********

Story II

E: Any girl friends?

C: No.

E: So far chased any before?

C: Have, but not successful.

E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?

C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This personal issue.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.

C: Why?

E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

*********

Story III

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?

C: Not quite.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.

C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?

E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

*********

Story IV

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?

C: yes

E: Is she your first lover?

C: Yes.

E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

*********

Story V

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she your first lover?

C: No. Have a few already.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper"! (Job hoper lah!)

*********

Story VI

E: Any boyfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is he rich?

C: No.

E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

********

Story VII

E: Any boyfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is he rich ?

C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.

E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to employ you, neither do we!

C: But,...... There is no position in his company.

E: Then,..... What is your qualification?

C: Secretary!

E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect your managers' working spirits.

C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.

E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!

*********

How to identify indians

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil..

3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the
Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram &
Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere,
close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed.' 

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything new in your house
whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch. 

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they
won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and
Aunties' will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special
occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage. 

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as
possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils
(got free with purchase of other stuff)

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel 
(and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21.. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. 

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it
that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or
receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose
daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of
more than the speed of light.

27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if
you've eaten, even if it's midnight. 

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover
you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign 
countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of
their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them
from getting dirty.

33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than 600 people. 

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping. 

37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it
to as many Indians as possible.

I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN

Baniya Jokes not Little Johnny jokes this time

Sardaron par bahut jokes suney honge, here are some Baniya Jokes…. 
 
 
 Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya? 
 Shopkeeper: 1Rs. 
 Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai? 
 S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega. 
 Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de 
 
 Baniya on his death time. 
 My wife, where r u ? 
 Wife:Yes, I'm here 
 My sons daughters ru all here? 
 Yes, Papa 
 Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre 
 ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D 
 
 
 Baniya 14th floor se neche gira 
 Girte waqt usne 
 apni ghar ki khirki me 
 apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha 
 to chilla k bola 
 MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA! 
 
 
 Baniya ne jat ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai. 
 jat ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi. 
 jat ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari, 
 Baniya ne phir khoon dia. 
 Ab k bar jat ne till waly laddu gift kiye, 
 Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di? 
 jat:Munna…!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay:) 
 
 
 Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai, 
 kya charges hongay? 
 NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word. 
 Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye". 
 Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words! 
 Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho................ . 
 Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale . 
 
 
 Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya? 
 Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga. 
 Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha: 
 Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana. 
 
 
 Baniya ko bhoot charh gaya , 
 3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha k paas gaya aur bola, 
 Ojha sahab mujhe bahar Nikalo..! Warna me to bhookha hi mar 
 jaon ga 
 
 
 Titanic K Sath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha 
 Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha 
 Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai? 
 Baniya: Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda