Little Johnny vs. President Fans - Election Time Joke

A teacher in Elmira , New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were President fans.
Not really knowing what an President fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for ......Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an President fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an President fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom 's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me ......an President fan.'

Ants

A priest is out for an afternoon stroll and turns the corner and finds little Johnny with a hammer smashing the daylights out of a bunch of ants. The kid is saying to himself, "I hate these fucking ants...I hate these fucking ants." The priest is taken back by the little boy's language and talks to him, saying that God doesn't make junk.
"Tomorrow I will be coming by again and if you can tell me three things that God created that are worthless, then I will let you continue killing the ants."
The next afternoon, the priest is out again for his walk and comes upon little Johnny smashing ants again. The priest reminds him of the agreement that they made saying the boy agreed not to kill any more ants unless he could name three things that God created that are worthless.
Little Johnny looks up with a devilish smile and says, "I do know three things that are totally worthless. The first is a prick on a priest, the
second is tits on a nun, and the third are these fucking ants!"............

Your Joke Site

Collection of Little Johny's Funny Jokes and lot more.... All for your Little Johnny To add your jokes to the blog please mail Little Johny (littlejohny.blogspot@googlemail.com) and We will add your blog to the site.

Fishing SHop

One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing
pole for his birthday.

She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much
it was. The sales man says, "I'm blind, but if you give me the pole I
can tell how much it is by the weight."

So the lady gives him the pole and he says, "That pole is worth $45."
She was amazed at how cheap that was.

So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and
he says, "This pole is worth $55." she decided that was also really
cheap.

And then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to
the man and he says, "This pole is our best and it is $70." she told him
that she would take it.

As she was getting the fishing pole all rung up, she had to fart really
really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really
wouldn't matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose.

All of a sudden the man says, "It all comes up to $80."

Confused the lady says to him, "But you said the fishing pole was only
$70."

He said, "It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call.

Jokes!!!

1) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student : I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.

2) Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" o"shoot himself".

3) What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

4) A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out

5)Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"

This explains why we forward jokes to you

This explains why we forward jokes to you...

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what,! and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime.

Santa Singh

1 . Santa : What is the meaning of SMS ?
Banta : It Means...
S - Sardaro ka
M - Mazaak udane ki
S - Service

2. Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

3. A sardar saw a beautiful girl. He went and kissed her.
GIRL: "stupid,what are you doin...?"
Sardar: " B.Com Final Year....

4. Santa was driving car zigzag on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
Inspector: without instructor ?
Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.

5. Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi
100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

6. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the
bell, but no one comes out.

8. Santa khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne poocha kya bana
rahe ho ?
Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..

9. A man told santa: Banta is kissing your wife.
Santa hurriedly rushed to home, within half hour came back angrily and slapped
the man and said: He is not Banta.

10. Santa is repeatedly buying movie tickets.
On being asked, santa replied: A man standing at the entry, tears my ticket
everytime.

Best of Little Johny

| > >enjoy, enjoy over the week end.
| > >> > >The famous little Johnny and his
| > pranks.......
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Math Class
| > >> > >Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
| > problems when his
| > >> > teacher
| > >> > >picked him to answer a question..
| > >> > >"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on
| > a fence and you shot one
| > >> > with
| > >> > >your gun, how many would be left ?"
| > >> > >"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest
| > would fly away."
| > >> > >"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher.
| > "But I like the way you
| > >> > are
| > >> > >thinking."
| > >> > >Little Johnny said, "I have a question for
| > you now. If there were
| > >> > three
| > >> > >women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
| > licking her cone, the
| > >> > second
| > >> > >biting her cone, and the third one sucking
| > her cone, which one is
| > >> > married
| > >> > ?
| > >> > >Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess
| > the one sucking the
| > cone?"
| > >> >
| > >> > >"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the
| > wedding ring on her
| > >> > finger.
| > >> > But
| > >> > >I like the way you are thinking..
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Red and Shiny
| > >> > >The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their
| > minds, asked the class
| > >> > the
| > >> > >following question, " What is bright red and
| > shiny?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire
| > engine !!!!???"
| > >> > >"No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the
| > way you think.. Anyone
| > >> > else?"
| > >> > >Little Susan replied that it was an apple and
| > the teacher was happy
| > >> > except
| > >> > >Johnny of course..
| > >> > >Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he
| > can ask a question to
| > >> > which
| > >> > >she nodded OK.
| > >> > >" What is long,hard, rounded and has hair at
| > one end? "
| > >> > >"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF
| > THAT TALK HERE..."
| > >> > >Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but
| > I like the way you
| > >> > think"..
| > >> >
| >
| >*******************************************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >A priest is out for an afternoon stroll and
| > turns the corner and
| > >> > finds
| > >> > >little Johnny with a hammer smashing the
| > daylights out of
| > >> > >a bunch of ants. The kid is saying to
| > himself, "I hate these fucking
| > >> > >ants...I hate these fucking ants."
| > >> > >The priest is taken back by the little boy's
| > language and talks to
| > >> > him,
| > >> > >saying that God doesn't make junk.
| > >> > >"Tomorrow I will be coming by again and if
| > you can tell me three
| > >> > things
| > >> > >that
| > >> > >God created that are worthless, then I will
| > let you
| > >> > >continue killing the ants."
| > >> > >The next afternoon, the priest is out again
| > for his walk and comes
| > >> > upon
| > >> > >little Johnny smashing ants again. The priest
| > reminds him of the
| > >> > agreement
| > >> > >that they made saying the boy agreed not to
| > kill any more ants unless
| > >> > he
| > >> > >could name three things that God created that
| > are worthless.
| > >> > >Little Johnny looks up with a devilish smile
| > and says, "I do know
| > >> > three
| > >> > >things that are totally worthless. The first
| > is a prick on a priest,
| > >> > the
| > >> > >second is tits on a nun, and the third are
| > these fucking
| > >> > ants!"............
| > >> > >
| > >> > >************************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >One day the teacher came to class with a rose
| > placed in her cleavage.
| > >> > >She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses
| > drink? How about
| > >> > you,johnny?"
| > >> > >"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.
| > >> > >"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer.
| > >> > >Roses drink water," explained the teacher.
| > >> > >"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the
| > stem was that long!"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >*****************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Johnny returns from school and says he got an
| > F in arithmetics.
| > >> > >"Why?" asks the father.
| > >> > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said
| > '6'" "But that's right!"
| > >> > >"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
| > "What's the fucking
| > >> > difference?"
| > >> > >"That's exactly what I said."
| > >> > >****************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > > Five years old Johnny and his little sister
| > are peeping through a
| > >> > keyhole
| > >> > >at their parents making love
| > >> > >"Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed
| > even to stick a finger in
| > >> > our
| > >> > >nose!"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >***************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Johnny and his father are observing a couple
| > of dogs screwing each
| > >> > other.
| > >> > >"Dad, what're the dogs doing?" asks Johnny.
| > >> > >"Well, the one below has relaxed and the one
| > above has concentrated."
| > >> > >"Okay, I've understood."
| > >> > >"What've you understood!?" asks the father
| > sarcastically.
| > >> > >"Never relax in your life, dad, or you'll get
| > fucked like a dog!"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >****************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Johnny's parents were out of town once and so
| > they asked that young
| > >> > female
| > >> > >teacher to stay for that time in their house.
| > >> > >Before going to bed Johnny says to her "Oh,
| > please, I'm so afraid to
| > >> > be
| > >> > by
| > >> > >myself, please, sleep in my bed."
| > >> > >She agrees, they go to bed. In the morning
| > she wakes up to find a big
| > >> > >hairy-chested man in her bed.
| > >> > >She exclaims: "Johnny? Where is Johnny?!!!"
| > >> > >"Johnny? Who is Johnny? Is that the little
| > boy selling the tickets?"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Little Johnny is taking a shower with his
| > mother and says,
| > >> > >"Mom, what are those things on your chest?"
| > >> > >Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to
| > ask his dad at breakfast
| > >> > >tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be
| > forgotten. Johnny didn't
| > >> > >forget.
| > >> > >The following morning he asked his father the
| > same question. His
| > >> > father,
| > >> > >always quick with the answers, says,
| > >> > >"Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your
| > mommy dies, we can blow
| > >> > them up
| > >> > >and she'll float to heaven."
| > >> > >Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more
| > questions. A few weeks
| > >> > later,
| > >> > >Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours
| > early.
| > >> > >Johnny runs out of the house crying
| > hysterically,
| > >> > >"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!" His father
| > says,
| > >> > >"Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's
| > dying?"
| > >> > >"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons
| > and she's screaming 'Oh
| > >> > God,
| > >> > >I'm
| > >> > >coming!"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >*****************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Nursery school teacher says to her class,
| > "Who can use the word
| > >> > >'Definitely'
| > >> > >in a sentence?"
| > >> > >First a little girl says "The sky is
| > definitely blue"
| > >> > >Teacher says,"Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be
| > gray, or orange..."
| > >> > >Second little boy..."Trees are definitely
| > green"
| > >> > >"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are
| > brown."
| > >> > >Little Johnny from the back of the class
| > stands up and asks: "Does a
| > >> > fart
| > >> > >have lumps?"
| > >> > >The teacher looks horrified and
| > says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
| > >> > >"OK...then I've DEFINITELY shit in my
| > pants..."
| > >> > >
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Little Johnny is lying in his bed one night
| > and just can't get to
| > >> > sleep.
| > >> > He
| > >> > >decides to go to his parent's room to go chat
| > to
| > >> > >them.
| > >> > >Upon entering their room, he sees their
| > blankets going up-and-down.
| > >> > >Johnny:" Mommy, daddy, what are you doing?"
| > >> > >Parents:" We are playing cards, now GET OUT!"
| > >> > >So Johnny decides to go into hisgrand
| > parent's room, only to find the
| > >> > >blankets going up-and-down.
| > >> > >Johnny: " Granny, Grandpa, what are you
| > doing?"
| > >> > >Grandpa:" Get out! We are playing cards!"
| > >> > >Feeling rejected,Johnny goes back to his own
| > room and gets back into
| > >> > bed.
| > >> > >A while later both his parents, and
| > grandparents feel bad for yelling
| > >> > at
| > >> > >him
| > >> > >so decide to go and apologize.
| > >> > >Upon entering his room, they see the blankets
| > going up-and-down.
| > >> > >"Johnny! What are you doing??!!"
| > >> > >Johnny:"I'm playing cards." Grandpa:" But
| > who's your partner?"
| > >> > >Johnny: "With a hand like this, who needs a
| > partner?"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Confused Little johnny comes home from school
| > with a note from his
| > >> > teacher,
| > >> > >indicating that "johnny seems to be
| > >> > >having some difficulty with the differences
| > between boys and girls,
| > >> > and
| > >> > >would his mother, "please sit down and have a
| > >> > >talk with johnny about this."
| > >> > >So johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the
| > hand, upstairs to her
| > >> > bedroom,
| > >> > >and closes the door..
| > >> > > - first, johnny, you take off my blouse....
| > >> > >so unbuttons her blouse and takes it off..
| > >> > >- ok, now take off my skirt....
| > >> > >and he takes off her skirt..
| > >> > >- now take off my bra....
| > >> > >which he does..
| > >> > >- and now, johnny, please take off my
| > panties..
| > >> > >
| > >> > > and when johnny finishes removing those,
| > she says,
| > >> > > "johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my
| > clothes to school any more!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >What are you doing
| > >> > >Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the
| > some loud noises coming
| > >> > from
| > >> > >his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and
| > walked down the hall
| > >> > towards
| > >> > >his
| > >> > >parents room. Before he made it to the end of
| > the hall, the noises
| > had
| > >> >
| > >> > >ceased and the bathroom light had gone on..
| > >> > >Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and
| > saw his father removing a
| > >> > used
| > >> > >condom..
| > >> > >"Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little
| > Johnny..
| > >> > >His father looked around nervously wondering
| > what he could tell his
| > >> > son..
| > >> > >I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for
| > mice." replied his
| > >> > father..
| > >> > >Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of
| > confusion and said, "Well,
| > >> > what
| > >> > >are you doing? Fucking them?"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >Classroom
| > >> > >One day, the teacher walks into her classroom
| > and announces to the
| > >> > class
| > >> > >that on each Friday, she will ask a
| > >> > >question to the class and anyone who answers
| > correctly doesn't have
| > to
| > >> > go
| > >> > >to
| > >> > >school the following Monday.
| > >> > >On the first Friday, the teacher asks,
| > >> > >"How many grains of sand are in the beach?"
| > >> > >Needless to say, no one could answer..
| > >> > >The following Friday, the teacher asks the
| > class,
| > >> > >"How many stars are in the sky?"
| > >> > >and again no one could answer..
| > >> > >Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the
| > next Friday, he would
| > >> > somehow
| > >> > >answer the question and get a 3 day
| > >> > >weekend..
| > >> > >So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong
| > balls and paints them
| > >> > black.
| > >> > >The next day, he brings them to
| > >> > >school in a paper bag..
| > >> > >At the end of the day, just when the teacher
| > says,
| > >> > >"Here's this week's question,"
| > >> > >Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending
| > the ping-pong balls
| > >> > rolling
| > >> > to
| > >> > >the front of the room. Because they
| > >> > >are young kids who find any disruption of
| > class amusing, the entire
| > >> > class
| > >> > >starts laughing..
| > >> > >The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian
| > with the black balls?"
| > >> > >Immediately, little Johnny stands up and
| > says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on
| > >> > >Tuesday!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Not Another Word
| > >> > >Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door
| > after she had been out
| > of
| > >> >
| > >> > town
| > >> > >all week and said, "Mommy, guess
| > >> > >what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet
| > in your bedroom and
| > >> > Daddy
| > >> > >came into the room with the lady from next
| > door
| > >> > >and they got undressed and they got into bed
| > and then Daddy got on
| > >> > top of
| > >> > >her and -"
| > >> > >The mother held up her hand and said, "Not
| > another word! Wait until
| > >> > your
| > >> > >father gets home and then I want you to tell
| > him exactly what you've
| > >> > just
| > >> > >told me." The father comes home and the wife
| > tells him that she's
| > >> > leaving
| > >> > >him..
| > >> > >"But why?" croaks the husband. "Go ahead,
| > Johnny, tell Daddy just
| > >> > what
| > >> > you
| > >> > >told me."
| > >> > >"Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing
| > in your closet and Daddy
| > >> > came
| > >> > >upstairs with the lady next door and they got
| > undressed and they got
| > >> > into
| > >> > >bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did
| > just what you did,
| > >> > Mommy,
| > >> > >with Uncle Bob Heaven
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Pass or Fail
| > >> > >Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu,
| > but he'd done so well
| > >> > during
| > >> > >the year that the teacher suggested to the
| > principal that they give
| > >> > him an
| > >> > >oral exam to make up for the test he'd
| > missed..
| > >> > >The principal agreed so they called Johnny
| > into the office,
| > explained,
| > >> >
| > >> > then
| > >> > >the teacher asked,
| > >> > >"Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I
| > only have two of?"
| > >> > >Johnny replied, "Legs."
| > >> > >The teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have
| > in your pants that I
| > >> > don't
| > >> > >have
| > >> > >in my pants?"
| > >> > >Johnny replied, "Pockets."
| > >> > >The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the
| > capital of Italy?"
| > >> > >Johnny replied. "Rome."
| > >> > >The teacher turned to the principal and
| > asked, "Should we pass him?"
| > >> > >The principal replied, "Better not ask me, I
| > got the first two wrong"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Harassment
| > >> > >Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence..
| > >> > >Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass
| > meant 'yes'..
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Cookie Time
| > >> > >Little Johnny was in school one day when the
| > teacher brought around
| > >> > cookies
| > >> > >for snack time.
| > >> > >"Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie."
| > >> > >"I don't fucking want one," declared Johnny..
| > >> > >The teacher was shocked. She called Little
| > Johnny's mother and
| > >> > scheduled
| > >> > >her
| > >> > >to come in for a meeting the next day..
| > >> > >When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the
| > teacher had her hide behind
| > >> > the
| > >> > >curtain until snack time came around.
| > >> > >As she came to Little Johnny, she again told
| > him "Here Little
| > >> > Johnny...
| > >> > >It's
| > >> > >time for your cookie."
| > >> > >"I don't fucking want one," stated Little
| > Johnny again..
| > >> > >The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said
| > to his mother,
| > >> > >"See? Did you hear what he said?"
| > >> > >"So don't fucking give him one," said Little
| > Johnny's mother..
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Loaf of Bread
| > >> > >Little Johnny's mother sent Little Johnny to
| > the store to get a loaf
| > >> > of
| > >> > >bread..
| > >> > >Little Johnny's is coming home from the store
| > swinging the loaf of
| > >> > bread
| > >> > in
| > >> > >one hand and the other hand in his pants
| > pocket..
| > >> > >Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to
| > himself, "This is a good
| > >> > opportunity
| > >> > >to say something from the bible to Little
| > Johnny."
| > >> > >He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see
| > Little Johnny that you
| > >> > have
| > >> > >the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you
| > have in the other?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread
| > Father".
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >A new teacher while introducing herself to
| > children said
| > >> > >"My name is Miss. Prussy and it is easy to
| > remember. Just remember
| > the
| > >> >
| > >> > word
| > >> > >pussy in your rhyme and add "r" in between
| > first two letters.
| > >> > >Next day techer wanted to test whether
| > children could remember her
| > >> > name or
| > >> > >not. So she asked the whole class to
| > >> > >tell her name a little louder.
| > >> > >Silence prevailed for sometime as none of the
| > children could remember
| > >> > her
| > >> > >name. Then little Johnny remembered
| > >> > >suddenly and shouted with excitement
| > "Crunt".
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > > Little Johnny came running into the house
| > and asked,
| > >> > > "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
| > "No," said his mom, "of
| > >> > course
| > >> > >not."
| > >> > > Little Johnny then ran back outside and
| > his mom heard him yell to
| > >> > his
| > >> > >friends,
| > >> > >"It's okay, we can play that game again!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > > Little Johnny had some sex questions for
| > his father,
| > >> > >"Dad, what does 'pussy' mean?"
| > >> > >The father took the little boy up to his
| > study room and got out a
| > >> > Playboy
| > >> > >magazine.
| > >> > >He opened the book to the centerfold and too
| > got out an ink pen.
| > >> > >He drew a small circle in the appropriate
| > place and told Johnny,
| > >> > >"See that circle, everything inside the
| > circle is a pussy."
| > >> > >"Oh," said little Johnny. "One more thing,
| > what is a bitch?"
| > >> > >"Well," said the father, "see that little
| > circle? A'bitch' is
| > >> > everything
| > >> > >outside the circle if it doesn't give
| > >> > >you what is inside the circle..."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >A third grade teacher told her class,
| > "Children, we are going to
| > begin
| > >> > to
| > >> > >study a little sex education. Tonight,
| > girls, your first assignment
| > >> > will
| > >> > >be
| > >> > >to find out from your parents how to avoid
| > Getting pregnant. For you
| > >> > boys,
| > >> > >your assignment will be to go home and find
| > out what a penis is."
| > >> > >So little Johnny goes home and asks his
| > father,
| > >> > >"Daddy, what is a penis?"
| > >> > >The father pulls down his pants and points
| > >> > >proudly saying, "Son, that is a perfect
| > penis."
| > >> > >The next day,
| > >> > >when Johnny gets to school, his best friend
| > runs up to him on the
| > >> > >playground
| > >> > >and says to Johnny, "I forgot to find out
| > what a penis is! What's a
| > >> > penis!"
| > >> > >Johnny tells him, "Come on." So they both go
| > into the boys room and
| > >> > Johnny
| > >> > >pulls down his pants. He points down and
| > says, "There, if that was a
| > >> > >little
| > >> > >smaller, it would be a perfect penis!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >Little Johnny, on a day when he was being
| > particularly reckless, was
| > >> > >playing
| > >> > >in the backyard one morning.
| > >> > >Soon, some honeybees started swirling around,
| > annoying little Johnny.
| > >> > >He began stomping on them in his temper. His
| > father caught him
| > >> > trampling
| > >> > >the
| > >> > >honeybees, and after a brief moment
| > >> > >of thought said, "That's it! No honey for
| > you for one month!"
| > >> > >Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon
| > some butterflies, and soon
| > >> > >started catching them and crushing them under
| > his feet. His father
| > >> > again
| > >> > >caught him, and after a brief moment of
| > thought, said, "No butter for
| > >> > you
| > >> > >for one month!"
| > >> > >Early that evening, Johnny's mother was
| > cooking lot more fun the
| > >> > kitchen
| > >> > >floor.
| > >> > >She began stomping on them one by one until
| > all the cockroaches were
| > >> > dead.
| > >> > >Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and
| > his father standing
| > there
| > >> >
| > >> > >watching her. To which Johnny said, "Are you
| > going to tell her,
| > daddy,
| > >> > or
| > >> > >do
| > >> > >you want me to?"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >A few months after his parents were divorced,
| > Little Johnny passedby
| > >> > his
| > >> > >mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body
| > and moaning, "I need a
| > >> > man, I
| > >> > >need a man!"
| > >> > >Over the next couple of months, he saw her
| > doing this several times.
| > >> > >One day, he came home from school and heard
| > her moaning.
| > >> > >When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man
| > on top of her.
| > >> > >Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his
| > clothes, threw himself
| > >> > on
| > >> > his
| > >> > >bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,
| > >> > >"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Salesman
| > >> > >A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and
| > 10-year old Little Johnny
| > >> > >answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat
| > cigar.
| > >> > >The salesman says, "Little boy, is your
| > father home?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and
| > says, "What do you
| > >> > think?"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >Too Young
| > >> > >A guy's walking down the street and sees
| > Dirty Johnny smoking a
| > >> > cigarette.
| > >> > >He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."
| > >> > >Johnny looks up and doesn't say anything. The
| > guy says, "How old are
| > >> > you?"
| > >> > >Johnny says, "Six."
| > >> > >The guy says, "Six? When did you start
| > smoking?"
| > >> > >Johnny says,
| > >> > >"Right after the first time I got laid."
| > >> > >The guy says, "Right after the first time you
| > got laid? When was
| > >> > that?"
| > >> > >Johnny says, "I don't remember. I was drunk."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Bathroom
| > >> > >Little Johnny was sitting in class and
| > started waving his arm saying,
| > >> > >teacher!, teacher! I have to go pee!"
| > >> > >The teacher called Johnny to her desk and
| > said, "Now Johnny, in this
| > >> > class
| > >> > >we use proper wording, the correct word is
| > >> > >urinate. You may go to the bathroom, but when
| > you come back I want
| > you
| > >> > to
| > >> > >give me a sentence using the word urinate."
| > >> > >So Johnny goes down the hall to the bathroom
| > and when he comes back
| > >> > the
| > >> > >teacher says, "O.k. Johnny, I want to
| > >> > >hear your sentence now"
| > >> > >Little Johnny says,"O.K., here
| > goes---Urinate, but you'd be a ten if
| > >> > your
| > >> > >tits were bigger"!!!!
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Sex
| > >> > >Little Johnny was a curious little guy and
| > was always asking
| > >> > questions.
| > >> > >One day, when his aunt was visiting, he went
| > into his typical
| > >> > >interrogation.
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how old are
| > you?
| > >> > >Auntie: Well Johnny, that's not a question
| > that you ask a lady.
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how much do
| > you weigh?
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny! That's not a question you ask
| > a lady.
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, why don't you
| > and your boyfriend
| > sleep
| > >> > in
| > >> > >the same bed?
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny, stop this! That's not a
| > question you ask a lady!
| > >> > >Johnny went off to play but the next day he
| > was talking to his aunt
| > >> > again.
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how
| > old you are.You're 32
| > years
| > >> >
| > >> > old.
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that?
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how
| > much you weigh.You're 135
| > >> > >pounds.
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that?
| > >> > >Johnny: And Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. I know
| > why you don't sleep in the
| > >> > same
| > >> > >bed as your boyfriend.
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny! Stop this! How do you know
| > all this?
| > >> > >Johnny: Well, I found your driver's license
| > last night. Here it says
| > >> > that
| > >> > >you're 32 years old and here it says
| > >> > >that you weigh 135 pounds. And right down
| > here it explains why you
| > >> > don't
| > >> > >sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend.
| > >> > >Auntie: Where does it say that?
| > >> > >Johnny: Right here. It says you got an "F" in
| > Sex.
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >No Fighting
| > >> > >Little Johnny comes home from catholic school
| > wit a black eye.
| > >> > >His father see's it and says "Johnny, how
| > many times do I have to
| > tell
| > >> > you
| > >> > >not to fight with the other boys?"
| > >> > >But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in
| > church saying our
| > prayers.
| > >> > We
| > >> > >all stood up and my teacher in front of me
| > had her dress in the crack
| > >> > of
| > >> > >her
| > >> > >butt. I reached over and pulled it out.
| > That's when she hit me!"
| > >> > >"Johnny", the father said. You don't do those
| > kind of things to
| > women.
| > >> >
| > >> > Sure
| > >> > >enough, the very next day Johnny came home
| > with the other eye black
| > >> > and
| > >> > >blue.
| > >> > >Johnny's fathersaid, "Johnny, I thought we
| > had a talk!"
| > >> > >"But Dad" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault.
| > There we were in church
| > >> > saying
| > >> > >our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher
| > in front of us had her
| > >> > dress
| > >> > in
| > >> > >the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was
| > sitting next to me saw it
| > >> > and he
| > >> > >reached over and pulled it out. Now I know
| > she doesn't like this, so
| > I
| > >> >
| > >> > >pushed it back in!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Big Sister
| > >> > >Little Johnny was twelve years old and like
| > other boys of his age,
| > >> > rather
| > >> > >curious. He has been hearing quite a bit
| > about "courting" from older
| > >> > boys,
| > >> > >and he wondered what it was and how it was
| > done.
| > >> > >One day he took his questions to his mother,
| > who became rather
| > >> > flustered.
| > >> > >Instead of explaining things to him, she told
| > him to hide behind the
| > >> > >curtain
| > >> > >one night and watch his older sister and her
| > boy friend. This he did.
| > >> > The
| > >> > >following morning he described everything to
| > his mother.
| > >> > >"Sis and her boy friend sat and talked for a
| > while, then he turned
| > off
| > >> >
| > >> > most
| > >> > >of the lights, and he started kissing and
| > hugging her. I figured sis
| > >> > must
| > >> > >be
| > >> > >getting sick because she started looking
| > funny. He must have thought
| > >> > so
| > >> > too
| > >> > >because he put his hand under her blouse to
| > feel her heart just like
| > a
| > >> >
| > >> > >doctor would, except he's not as smart as the
| > doctor because he
| > seemed
| > >> > to
| > >> > >have trouble finding the heart.
| > >> > >I guess he was getting sick too, because
| > pretty soon both of them
| > >> > started
| > >> > >panting and getting all out of breath.
| > >> > >His other hand must have been cold, because
| > he put it under her
| > skirt.
| > >> >
| > >> > >About
| > >> > >this time, sis got worse, and began
| > >> > >to moan and squirm around. They slid down to
| > the end of the couch.
| > >> > This
| > >> > was
| > >> > >when the fever started. I know it
| > >> > >was a fever, because sis told him she felt
| > really hot.
| > >> > >Finally, I found out what was making them so
| > sick: A big eel had
| > >> > gotten
| > >> > >inside his pants somehow.. It just
| > >> > >jumped out of his pants and stood there,
| > about ten inches long.
| > >> > >Honest. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to
| > keep it from getting
| > >> > away.
| > >> > >When
| > >> > >sis saw it she got really
| > >> > >scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell
| > open. She started
| > calling
| > >> > out
| > >> > >to god and stuff like that. She said that was
| > >> > >the biggest one she had ever seen. I should
| > tell her about the ones
| > >> > down
| > >> > at
| > >> > >the lake..
| > >> > >Any ways, sis got brave and tried to kill the
| > eel by biting its head
| > >> > off.
| > >> > >All of a sudden she made a noise and let the
| > eel go... I guess it bit
| > >> > her
| > >> > >back, then she grabbed it with both hands and
| > held it tight while he
| > >> > took
| > >> > a
| > >> > >muzzle out of his pants pocket and slipped it
| > over the eels head to
| > >> > keep
| > >> > it
| > >> > >from biting again. Sis laid back and spread
| > her legs so she could get
| > >> > a
| > >> > >scissor lock on it, and he helped by laying
| > on top of the eel. The
| > eel
| > >> > put
| > >> > >up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning
| > and squealing and her
| > >> > boyfriend
| > >> > >almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted
| > to kill the eel by
| > >> > squashing
| > >> > it
| > >> > >between them..
| > >> > >After a while, they both got up and gave a
| > great sigh, her boyfriend
| > >> > got
| > >> > up
| > >> > >and sure enough, they had killed the eel. i
| > know it was dead, because
| > >> > it
| > >> > >just hung ther, limp and some of its insides
| > were hanging out..
| > >> > >Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired
| > from the battle, but they
| > >> > went
| > >> > to
| > >> > >courting anyway. He started hugging and
| > kissing again. By Golly, the
| > >> > eel
| > >> > >wasn't dead. It jumped straight-up and
| > started to fight again. guess
| > >> > eels
| > >> > >are like cats... they have nine lives...
| > >> > >This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the
| > eel by sitting on it.
| > >> > After
| > >> > >fifty-five minutes of struggle, they finally
| > killed the eel.
| > >> > >I know it was this time because i saw sis's
| > boyfriend peel its skin
| > >> > off
| > >> > and
| > >> > >flush it down the toilet.
| > >> > >Johnny's mother fainted.
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Sunday School
| > >> > >At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little
| > Johnny, "Do you know where
| > >> > >little
| > >> > >boys and girls go when they do bad things?"
| > >> > >"Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out
| > in back of the church
| > >> > yard."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >LITTLE JOHNNY XIII
| > >> > >One day a 5th grade class was taking a field
| > trip but the weather was
| > >> > >extreamlly bad and the trip was to be delayed
| > and they had to stay in
| > >> > a
| > >> > >hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was
| > sleeping in the same froom
| > >> > as
| > >> > >his
| > >> > >teacher.
| > >> > >In the middle of the night the teacher woke
| > up and was frigtened by
| > >> > the
| > >> > >sight of alex standing right over her.
| > >> > >He asked if he could sleep with her cause he
| > couldn't sleep.
| > >> > >She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a
| > little closer and she said
| > >> > okay.
| > >> > >Then he asked if he could put his finger in
| > her belly button...and
| > she
| > >> >
| > >> > said
| > >> > >"NO". "But my mommy lets me do it when i
| > can't sleep and it helps."
| > >> > >So the teacher says " okay fine, do whatever
| > your mom lets you do."
| > >> > and a
| > >> > >few minutes later the teacher says
| > >> > >"OH...thats not my bellybutton." And Johhny
| > says, "thats not my
| > >> > finger."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >There is a teacher teaching sex ed to a bunch
| > of 5th graders. She
| > >> > walks
| > >> > to
| > >> > >the chalk board and raws a huge penis
| > >> > >on the board! She truns to the class and
| > simply asked the class,
| > >> > "Class,
| > >> > >does and one know what that is?" The
| > >> > >class sits silently for a second or two than
| > little johnny stands
| > from
| > >> > the
| > >> > >back!
| > >> > >He yells, "I know what that is! It's a PENIS!
| > I know cause my dad's
| > >> > got
| > >> > >two!"
| > >> > >"The small one he pee's from, the big one he
| > brushs the babysitters
| > >> > teeth
| > >> > >with!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >A salesman rang the door bell and little
| > Johnny answered.
| > >> > >The salesman asked if his father was at home.
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "Yes."
| > >> > >The salesman: "Well, can I see him please?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "No, he is in the shower."
| > >> > >The Salesman asked if his mother was at
| > home.
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "Yes."
| > >> > >The Salesman: "Well can I see her?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "No, she's in the shower
| > too.."
| > >> > >The Salesman: "Do you think they will be out
| > soon?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "No."
| > >> > >The salesman asked why.
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "Well, when my dad asked me
| > for the vaseline I gave
| > him
| > >> >
| > >> > some
| > >> > >super glue instead."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his
| > mother. They go to the
| > >> > elephant
| > >> > >exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is
| > >> > >taking a leak. Johnny points to the
| > pachyderm`s privates and says,
| > >> > >"Mommy, what`s that?" Mommy, seeing the huge
| > penis, turns bright red
| > >> > and
| > >> > >says,
| > >> > >"Oh, that`s nothing. Never mind. Come along
| > now."
| > >> > >A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with
| > his father. Johnny grabs
| > >> > his
| > >> > >dad by the hand, and pulls him over the
| > elephants, saying he has a
| > >> > >question.
| > >> > >Once there, Johnny points to the elephant`s
| > penis and says,
| > >> > >"Daddy, what`s that?" Dad replies, "Didn`t
| > your mother tell you?"
| > >> > >"Yes, she told me it was nothing."
| > >> > >"Well, That's true. That's nothing for your
| > mother."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >My teacher is really giving me a tuff
| > time,"Little Johnny was telling
| > >> > his
| > >> > >Father.
| > >> > >"Handle it this way Johnny," his father
| > advised.
| > >> > >"Take special care with your personal
| > appearance and attire. Pay
| > >> > attention
| > >> > >in class. And do your assignments and
| > homework promptly."
| > >> > >"I really don't think that'll help Dad,
| > Johnny rejoined. "
| > >> > >She hissed at me during study break that
| > she's 3 weeks overdue."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >The pretty teacher was concerned with one of
| > her eleven-year-old
| > >> > students.
| > >> > >Taking him aside after class one day, she
| > asked, "Little Johnny, why
| > >> > has
| > >> > >your school work been so poor lately?"
| > >> > >"I'm in love," the boy replied.
| > >> > >Holding back an urge to smile, she asked,
| > "With whom?"
| > >> > >"With you," he said. "But Johnny," she said
| > gently, "don't you see
| > >> > how
| > >> > >silly that is? It's true that I would like a
| > husband of my own
| > >> > someday.
| > >> > >But
| > >> > >I don't want a child."
| > >> > >"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly,
| > "I'll use a rubber."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >The teacher brought a Venus statue in class
| > and asks,
| > >> > >"What do you like best about it, class?
| > >> > >Let's start with you, Robert."
| > >> > >"The artwork," says Robert.
| > >> > >"Very good. And you, Peter?"
| > >> > >"Her tits!" says Peter.
| > >> > >"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall,"
| > responds the teacher with
| > >> > disgust.
| > >> > >"And you, Johnny?"
| > >> > >"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > > 3 cheers to johnny!