Some more Sardars...

Interviewer: 

what is your birth date? 

Sardar: 13th October 

Which year? 

Sardar: Oye bewakoof _ _ _ EVERY YEAR 

Manager asked sardar at an interview. 

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? 

Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X. 

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, 

Do I look like a foreigner? 

Wife: No! Why? 

Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner? 

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: 

Any great man born in this village??? 

Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!! 

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi 

So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi. 

When sardar was traveling 

with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, 

"You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive. 

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? 

Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!! 

Sardar: My mobile bill how much? 

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status 

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL. 

  

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.. 

Friend: How do u know? 

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new 

  

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife! 

Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!! 

  

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world? 

Sardar: ZEBRA 

Teacher: How? 

Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White 

  

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company. 

Manager: Do U know MS Office? 

Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir. 

  

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay ... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay " 

Air hostess said: "B silent." 

Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay" 

  

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?" 

Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!! 

  

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my 

mobile? 

Teacher: Me? No, why? 

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call". (Had never thought of it) 

  

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple? 

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE 

  

A perfect Caring Wife...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,
combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your
husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be
pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a
nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an
especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with
chores, as this could further his stress.

Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress
worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie
and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage him to watch some type of
team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love
with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If
you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband
will regain his health.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied. 

Definition of Globalization

A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Question:
What is the truest definition  of Globalization?

Answer:
Princess Diana's death.

Question:
How come?

Answer :
An English princess
with an
Egyptian boyfriend
crashes
in a French tunnel,
riding in a  German car
with a
Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on
Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you
change the spelling),
followed
closely by
Italian Paparazzi,
on
Japanese motorcycles,
treated
by an American doctor,
using
Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by
a Canadian,
using
American Bill Gates' technology,
and
you're probably reading
this on your computer,
that
uses Taiwanese chips,
and
a Korean monitor,
assembled by
Bangladeshi
workers
in a
Singapore plant,
transported
by Indian
truck drivers,
hijacked
by Indonesians,
unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen,
and
trucked to you by Mexican illegals..... .


That,my friends,is
 Globalization !

 

Wonderful Definitions

Wonderful Definitions School A place where Parents pay and children play       Life Insurance A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. Marriage It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.. Divorce Future tense of Marriage. Tears The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. Lecture An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of  the students without passing through "the minds of either" Conference The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece Dictionary A place where success comes before work Conference Room A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on Father A banker provided by nature Criminal A person no different from the rest ...except that he/she got caught Boss Someone who is early when you are late and  late when you are early Politician One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after DOCTOR A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. Classic Books, which people praise, but do not read. Smile A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc. A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Committee Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. Experience The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb An invention to end all inventions. Philosopher A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

Kobe Expect this from his wife anytime DAMM GOOD !!

Expect this from your wife anytime DAMM GOOD !!

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:


Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: suit/casuals I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the lady started crying…..
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!!

HER DIARY HIS DIARY

1. HER DIARY 

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. 



We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. 

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. 



Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. 

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. 



He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. 

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. 



I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. 

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. 



He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. 

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where Somewhere else. 



I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. 

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. 



I don't know what to do, I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. 

My life is a disaster. 

2 - HIS DIARY 

Today INDIA lost match. Bad Luck...

Husband and Wife

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever

************ 

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

************ 

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping

Pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

************ 

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************ 

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************ 

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

************ 

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************ 

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice