Softwarism ( specially for software ppl)

Gandhism

 

You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

 

Indiraism

 

You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

 

Lalooism

 

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

 

Rajnikantism

 

You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

 

 

Chandrababuism

 

You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .

 

Karunanidhiism

 

You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew ...

 

 

Softwarism: (Ultimatism. ...)

 

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.

1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

 

2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

 

3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

 

4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them

(Framework)

 

5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client

the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

 

6 . If client is not satisfied then re-do from step 2

 

7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem

with accessories. (Change framework)

 

8 . Re-do step 4

 

9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

 

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

 

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

 

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from

bulls

 

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

 

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

 

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

 

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow

rate (performance issue)

 

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

 

18. Client is happy???

 

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and

get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

Why Bill Gates Sold off Microsoft....?

Do you know why Bill Gates SOLD=OFF Microsoft??????????????

Bill Gates decided to SOLD OFF Microsoft because of below letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home  and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by  sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided  My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'.. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know wher I go after my office hours.

and last one qUESTION, Sir, how is that your surname is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Regards,
Banta

Special Startup Saturday

Conference for Entrepreneurs by Entrepreneurs

Special Startup Saturday on a Sunday! A Kickstart.in initiative

The Auditorium, Indian Institute of Management, Bengaluru

Sunday 15 June 2008, 9:00 AM – 6:00 PM

 

Kickstart.in is organizing a full day conference for entrepreneurs and aspiring entrepreneurs on Sunday, the 15th of June '08 at IIM Bangeluru.   KickStart is a not-for-profit initiative aimed at promoting entrepreneurship. Driven by the popularity and success of Barcamps and Mobile Mondays in Bangeluru where some of the founding members of KickStart have been involved with, KickStart has been founded to support entrepreneurs and promote entrepreneurship. A lot of entrepreneurs and aspiring entrepreneurs want to learn from others who have been there and done that. This conference is called "Special Startup Saturday", after "Startup Saturday", a monthly event for entrepreneurs held on the second Saturday of every month. Special Startup Saturday has been designed with an array of talks and workshops on specific topics which  entrepreneurs want to learn about. A number of seasoned entrepreneurs and experts on entrepreneurship have come forward to address these issues. The conference also features an interactive session on writing a business plan. There is no Registration Fee. The schedule, agenda and registration details can be found at  www.startupsaturday.in .

A list of talks and schedule for the event follows: Talk 1        -  Entrepreneurs and Entrepreneurship Talk 2        -  Idea Validation Talk 3        -  Business Plan - Basics Talk 4        -  Technology and IPR Talk 5        -  Product Management and Marketing Talk 6        -  Legal aspects of setting up your own company Talk 7        -  Selling + How to talk to a VC Session 8  - Panel Discussion   For further details, please contact- ·      Amit Singh, Kickstart.in - +91 98863 14456 email : amit@kickstart.in ·      Tarun Bansal, Kickstart.in +91 93410 41776 email : tarun.tarunbansal@gmail.com ·      Anand Prakash Jangid +91 98454 67835 email : anandjangid@gmail.com ·      Kunalkant Sen + 91 92410 09423 email : kunalkantsen@gmail.com ·     Rajeev Kumar +91 98861 94776 email : raja.rajeevkumar@gmail.com