Sardar and Practical

Sardar and Practical
In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name    

Jokes On Satyam Fraud

Ever since the news of the Satyam fraud hit the headlines, jokes on B Ramalinga Raju and Satyam have been doing rounds on the internet and as text messages. Here are some of the best, Please don't take anything serious, its just a collection of few jokes I got from net:

Raju Raju

Yes Papa

Cheating us?

No Papa

Telling lies?

No Papa

Open your balance sheet

Ha Ha Ha

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S - Stealing

A - And

T - Transferring

Y - Your

A - All

M - Money

*****

New scene from Sholay

Jai: Mausi, ladka Satyam mein kaam karta hain

Mausi: Hai Ram! Aur kahin try kar raha hai kya?

Jai: Kahan Mausi, do saal Satyam me rahne ke baad koi company leti kahan hain

Mausi: Hai Ram to kya do saal se Satyam mein hi hain?

Jai: Haan socha tha do saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary bhi jyada nahin mil rahi hain use

Mausi: To kya salary bhi kam milti hain?

Jai: Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hain Mausi

Mausi: Hai hai! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska?

Jai: Senior se ladhai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to nahin milti hain na Mausi

Mausi: To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hain?

Jai: Ab do saal tak onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hain kabhi kabhi anban

Mausi: To kya ab tak ek baar bhi onsite nahin gaya?

Jai: Ab outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi likha hain Mausi

Mausi: Kya kaha! Ladka outdated technology mein kaam karata hai?

Mausi: Kaunse college se padhai ki hain?

Jai: Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar de denge!

Jai: To main yeh rishta pakka samjhu Mausi?

Mausi: Beta, kan khol kar sun lo! Sagi mausi hoon Basanti ki, koi sauteli maa nahi! Bhale hi hamaari Basanti call center wale Chandu se shaadi kar le, par Satyam ke employee se katai nahin karegi

*****

November: Ram Gopal Verma was sighted inside Taj Hotel, Mumbai

January: Ram Gopal Verma was sighted in Satyam Computers Hyderabad

*****

All Raju named chai-wallahs around BSE will be banned soon

*****

Masterji: Raju tumhare daant toh motiyon se chamak rahe hain?

Raju: Chamke kyu na Masterji? Maine apni hi company ka paisa jo khaaya hain

*****

Raju Raju sat on the wall

Raju Raju had a great fall

Balance sheet died

Shareholders cried

Raju Raju made a fraud

*****

Raju's new movie – Satyam Shivam Scandalam

Sequel to Satyam Shivam Scandalam - Raju ban gaya Gentleman

*****

Raju Da Dhaba

Our specialty

- Chicken Liability Makhani

- Chicken Understated Tangadi

- Fantasy Samosa Receivables

- Hyderabadi Continental Segregated Biryani

- Debt Pakoda

- Inflated Omelets

- Overstated Butter Naan

*****

Raj Raju Ramalinga

Tara ram pam pam

Paison ne bulwaya

Hazir hun mein aya

Hun scammers ka scam

Akal ka dushman

*****

Satyamisation

1. Inflating profits

2. Finding it tough to get a job because of bad reputation of employers (and quitting)

Examples

- I am filing a law suit against my employer. Working under him has caused me distress, depression and left me Satyamised

- (On a resume or in an interview) Reason for leaving the job: I have been Satyamised (not laid off)

Husband to the judge: "Your Honour, I want to divorce my wife. Her love for me was Satyamised

Wife: "So was his manhood"

*****

Maybe Satyam could rescue Citi Group

*****

American bankrupt companies are now not the only ones responsible for recession

*****

The name SATYAM means TRUTH; if this is the truth, God bless

*****

What Raju has done was creating money out of thin air; that's the latest invention at Satyam!

*****

'Satyam' is a one-word oxymoron

*****

Cartoon on a website:

Satyam Computers chief Ramalinga Raju confessed that he cooked books to show more profits. Soon we'll see more demand for cooks in the corporate world!

*****

A recently created website NailTheThief.com has put up a game with the objective, "Hit Ramalinga Raju in the face with rotten eggs."

*****

A comment on a blog post on Satyam humour reads, "We have Satyam cartoons, Satyam nursery rhymes... soon we'll have Satyam soap bars to miraculously hide (not clean) your dirt."

Cutesy - www.nogyan.com

Mallu - Mr Malayali Jokes

Nothing intentional, its just for a smile for few minutes. 

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? 

IngumDax 

2) Where did the Malayali study? 

In the ko-liage. 

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? 

He is very bissi. 

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? 

To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff. 

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? 

To yearn meney. 

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? 

He zimbly jembd out of the vindow. 

7) How does a Malayali spell moon? 

MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen 

8) What is Malayali management graduate called? 

Yem Bee Yae. 

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? 

He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren. 

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? 

An Oto

  

11) Where does he pray? 

In a Temble, Charch and a Maask 

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?

A Malaya-Lee of coarse. 

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard? 

Kerala. 

  

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? 

Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi 

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait? 

He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT' 

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? 

" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where " 

  

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? 

Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

LUCKY JOHNNY - Little Johny Jokes

Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying,  "Johnny, this is where you came from." 

Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his  friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny." 

"Why?" one asked. 

Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd".

Little Johny - Wants to Settle Down now

LITTLE JOHNNY WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN NOW

Little Johnny and Little Lisa are only 10 years old, but they know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Lisa's father to ask for his blessing. 

Johnny  bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Jones, me and Lisa are in love and I  want to ask you for your blessing."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Jones replies, "Well  Johnny, you're only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In  Lisa's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just cute, Mr. Jones says, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a  job. How will you afford food and rent?"

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "With our allowance.  Lisa gets 5 bucks  a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and  that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Jones is realizing that Johnny has put much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up  with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

He then says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you've got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.  What will you do if the two of you should kids of your own?"

Johnny shrugs his shoulders and says "We've been lucky so  far..."

Wish you a Very Happy New Year

Wish you a Very Happy and Prosperous New Year.
May this year shower lots of love and happiness in your life

Keep Smiling Always

Vaibhav Gupta

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