Real names of bollywood

Aamir Khan - Aamir Hussain Khan

Ajay Devgan - Vishal Devgan

Ajit - Hamid Ali Khan

Akshay Kumar - Rajiv Bhatia

Amitabh Bachchan - Amit Srivastav

Ashok Kumar - Kumud Ganguly

Bobby Deol - Vijay Singh Deol

Dev Anand - Devdutt Pishorimal Anand

Dharmendra - Dharam Singh Deol

Dilip Kumar - Yusuf Khan

Govinda - Govinda Arun Ahuja

Jeetendra - Ravi Kapoor

John Abraham - Farhan Abraham

Johnny Lever - Badruddin Qazi

Kamal Haasan- Alwarpettai Aandavar

Kumar Gaurav - Manoj Tulli

Lucky Ali - Maqsood Mehmood Ali

Madhubala - Mumtaz Jehan Begum Dehlavi

Mahima Chaudhry - Ritu Chaudhry

Mallika Sherawat - Reema Lamba

Manoj Kumar - Hare Krishna Goswami

Nana Patekar - Vishwanath Patekar

Raj Kumar - Kulbushan Pandit

Rajesh Khanna - Jatin Khanna

Rajnikant - Sivaji Rao Gaekwad

Rekha - Bhanurekha Ganesan

Salman Khan- Abdul Rashid Salim Salman Khan

Sanjeev Kumar - Haribhai Jarivala

Shammi Kapoor - Shamsher Raj Kapoor

Shashi Kapoor - Balbirraj Kapoor

Sunil Dutt - Balraj Dutt

Sunny Deol - Ajay Singh Deol

Tuntun : Uma Devi Khatri

Directly From Haryana

Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge ? Student: shaadi..!!!!!! Teacher: nahi,mera matlab hai kya banoge? Student: dulha.!!!!!!!!!!! Teacher: oh,i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge? Student: dulhan Teacher: IDIOTmera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge? Student- bahu launga Teacher: stupid tumare papa tumse kya chahte hai? Student: pota Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai? Student: hum do humare do, jab tak teasra nahi ho...!!!!!!......

HR Skills -- Choose Heaven or Hell

One day while walking down the street, a highly successful Human
Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul
arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.
Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in
though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've
never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're
not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do
is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can
choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven",
said the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting
green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club
and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives
that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns
and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and
they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf
and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent
steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind n cute) and
she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a
good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and
found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the
next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and
singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were
up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now
you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought
I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I
think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went
down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends
were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in
sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we
danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage
and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
...
...
....
....
....
.....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

Passbook - Really good one !!

Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,

Priya's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook.

With Rs.1000 deposit amount.

Mother: Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.

When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life,
put some money in.

Write down what it's about next to the line.

The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.

I've done the first one for you today.

Do the others with Hitesh.

When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'

Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home.

They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when
the second deposit can be made.

This was what they did after certain time:

- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage

- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya

- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali

- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant

- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted

.... and so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.

They didn't talk much.

They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the
world.... no more love...

Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Priya talked to her Mother:

'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.

I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal.

Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it.

But before that, do one thing first.

Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day?

Take out all money and spend it first.

You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Priya thought it was true.

So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel
the account.

While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.

She looked, and looked, and looked.

Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind.

Her eyes were then filled with tears.

She left and went home.

When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to
spend the money before getting divorce.

The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya.

She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:

'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years.

How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.

Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?

I did not ask.

I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru
all the good years in their life.


"When you fall, in any way, Don't see the place where you fell,
Instead see the place from where you slipped.
Life is about correcting mistakes."

Well Said - Very Interesting

Jeevan me kamyab hone ke liye 3 factory lagao…

(1)   Dimag me Ice factory.
(2)   Zuban par Sugar factory.
(3)   Dil me Love factory.

Phir life hogi satisfactory~!~!~!
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

Relationship…



 

Ek din Sagar ne Nadi se pucha:

Kab tak milati rahogi mujhe meethe pani se ???
Nadi ne haskar kaha :
Jab tak tujh me mithas na aa jaye tab tak !!!
Thats "RELATIONSHIP…" ~~

 

 

 

 

Be Positive Always !!!

 
One tree makes 1 Lakh matchsticks.
But one matchstick can burn 1 Lakh trees.
Similarly one negative thought or doubt can  burn thousands of dreams…
Be Positive Always!!!
 

 

 

 

 

 

Chehre ki hasi se har gam chupao,
Bahut kuch bolo par kuch na batao...
Khud na rutho kabhi, par sabko manao
Ye Raz hai Zindagi ka,
Bas Jite chale jao!!!  

 

 

 

 

 

Wah Prabhu kya teri leela hai:
 
Chuha Billi se darta hai,
Billi Kutte se darti hai,
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,

 


Aur Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai!!!  

 

 

 

Appraisal Process....

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err. ..uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication" , you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well. .I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding' .

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding' ?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*

Just have fun!

In this world, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry,  that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawa iian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???

Pass it on to the poor fellas for info & to the gals for a good laugh ! 

Why Big B Quit KBC??

WHY BIG B QUIT KBC???

With Santa Singh 



The Story So Far... 

Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has used all his lifelines except for "50-50" and "Phone a Friend". Santa Singh is playing the 13 th Question now which is for 25 Lacs. Let's see what happens next... J 



Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13 th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par... 

Santa Singh gets Tense... 



Amitabh Bachchan: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan? Your options are...





Amitabh Bachchan: To Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He's quite sure that Santa will opt for option A] 

But Santa is surprisingly still confused... 

Amitabh Bachchan: Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai... 50-50 and phone a friend.. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai. 
Santa Singh: I think it is A, but I'm not sure. 
Amitabh Bachchan: NOT SURE!! Hmmm... Aap kya karna chahenge? 
Santa Singh: I would like to use 50-50... 
Amitabh Bachchan: Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita deejiye... 



Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options:





Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline... 

Santa Singh: I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A Friend... 
Amitabh Bachchan: Aap kisse baat karna chahenge!? 
Santa Singh: Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga... 

Amitabh Bachchan almost Faints!!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan [Thanks to AirTel J ]... 

Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?" 

receiving reply from JAYA...BIG B is totally BLACKED OUT...


GUESS WHY????????? ?? 

Scroll Down 



| 
| 
| 
| 
V 





| 
| 
| 
| 
V 



Jaya Asks...
Options kya hai ? 

__._,_.___

.

__,_._,___

The Husband Store :-)

The Husband Store.... A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where any woman may go to choose a husband.  Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!!! You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the Building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband… On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the  housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Windows or Apple

Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?"
Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?"
Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?"
Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?"
Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on."
Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part."
Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried."
Tech Support: "And that is what?"
Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?"Customer: "A bunch of little pictures."
Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'."
Customer: "No, all I see is that littlered circle thing with the chunk out of it."
Tech Support: "You mean an apple?"
Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple."

You can Try again!!

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.

Scared??..She confides this ' news' to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
This to you?

I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an
hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And
distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very
expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl,
and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the
Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family
Situation, but I'll take responsibility.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a
beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a
$2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However, If there is a miscarriage or unsuccessful delivery , what do
you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him...

"You can try again!!!"

A Sweet Story!

Girl to Boy   :        Why do you keep following me ? 
Boy              :        Bcoz you are so pretty and I am falling in love with you. 
Girl              :        Really ? but you haven't met my friend yet, she is prettier than me, 
                   and she is just right behind you (the guy looked behind him but found no one), 
Boy              :        Are u making fun of me, there is no one behind me. 
Girl              :        I know she replied, but if you really love me, you won't look back. 

Some more Sardars...

Interviewer: 

what is your birth date? 

Sardar: 13th October 

Which year? 

Sardar: Oye bewakoof _ _ _ EVERY YEAR 

Manager asked sardar at an interview. 

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? 

Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X. 

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, 

Do I look like a foreigner? 

Wife: No! Why? 

Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner? 

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: 

Any great man born in this village??? 

Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!! 

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi 

So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi. 

When sardar was traveling 

with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, 

"You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive. 

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? 

Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!! 

Sardar: My mobile bill how much? 

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status 

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL. 

  

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.. 

Friend: How do u know? 

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new 

  

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife! 

Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!! 

  

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world? 

Sardar: ZEBRA 

Teacher: How? 

Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White 

  

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company. 

Manager: Do U know MS Office? 

Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir. 

  

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay ... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay " 

Air hostess said: "B silent." 

Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay" 

  

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?" 

Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!! 

  

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my 

mobile? 

Teacher: Me? No, why? 

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call". (Had never thought of it) 

  

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple? 

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE 

  

A perfect Caring Wife...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,
combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your
husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be
pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a
nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an
especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with
chores, as this could further his stress.

Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress
worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie
and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage him to watch some type of
team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love
with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If
you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband
will regain his health.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied. 

Definition of Globalization

A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Question:
What is the truest definition  of Globalization?

Answer:
Princess Diana's death.

Question:
How come?

Answer :
An English princess
with an
Egyptian boyfriend
crashes
in a French tunnel,
riding in a  German car
with a
Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on
Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you
change the spelling),
followed
closely by
Italian Paparazzi,
on
Japanese motorcycles,
treated
by an American doctor,
using
Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by
a Canadian,
using
American Bill Gates' technology,
and
you're probably reading
this on your computer,
that
uses Taiwanese chips,
and
a Korean monitor,
assembled by
Bangladeshi
workers
in a
Singapore plant,
transported
by Indian
truck drivers,
hijacked
by Indonesians,
unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen,
and
trucked to you by Mexican illegals..... .


That,my friends,is
 Globalization !

 

Wonderful Definitions

Wonderful Definitions School A place where Parents pay and children play       Life Insurance A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. Marriage It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.. Divorce Future tense of Marriage. Tears The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. Lecture An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of  the students without passing through "the minds of either" Conference The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece Dictionary A place where success comes before work Conference Room A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on Father A banker provided by nature Criminal A person no different from the rest ...except that he/she got caught Boss Someone who is early when you are late and  late when you are early Politician One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after DOCTOR A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. Classic Books, which people praise, but do not read. Smile A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc. A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Committee Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. Experience The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb An invention to end all inventions. Philosopher A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

Kobe Expect this from his wife anytime DAMM GOOD !!

Expect this from your wife anytime DAMM GOOD !!

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:


Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: suit/casuals I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the lady started crying…..
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!!

HER DIARY HIS DIARY

1. HER DIARY 

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. 



We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. 

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. 



Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. 

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. 



He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. 

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. 



I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. 

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. 



He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. 

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where Somewhere else. 



I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. 

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. 



I don't know what to do, I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. 

My life is a disaster. 

2 - HIS DIARY 

Today INDIA lost match. Bad Luck...

Husband and Wife

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever

************ 

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

************ 

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping

Pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

************ 

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************ 

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************ 

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

************ 

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************ 

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice