love life indian advertisement line

Want to propose a girl
Just do it - Nike

Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best - BPL.

If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.

If you are going to propose to a girl
Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.

If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
Take it easy - Limca.

Girl says NO !
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.

Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do - Daewoo.

If some one wants to write a love letter to his
girlfriend
Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.

If you love someone
Go get it - Visa power.

Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl
Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.

Not satisfied with your date
Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.

A guy having a number of girl friends
The Complete Man - Raymonds.

A smart girl having a number of boyfriends
Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.

For those lost in love
Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.

For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one
Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Excel

The Cookie

Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The grandfather takes out a cigarette and lights it.

Little Johnny says, "Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?"

"Can you touch your butt with your penis?"

"No," replies Little Johnny.

"Then, you're not big enough," explains the grandfather.

A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it.

Little Johnny then asks, "Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?"

"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"

"No," says Little Johnny.

"Then, you're not old enough."

Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny gets hungry so he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies, and eats one.

The grandfather looks at him and says, "They look good, can I have one of your cookies?"

"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"

"I most certainly can!" says the grandfather proudly.

"Then go fuck yourself… these are my cookies!"

potty training

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:

1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5, 3-5, 3-5…

TV

Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

Its Santa Again...!!!

1 . Santa : What is the meaning of SMS ?
Banta : It Means...
S - Sardaro ka
M - Mazaak udane ki
S - Service

2. Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

3. A sardar saw a beautiful girl. He went and kissed her.
GIRL: "stupid,what are you doin...?"
Sardar: " B.Com Final Year....

4. Santa was driving car zigzag on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
Inspector: without instructor ?
Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.

5. Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi
100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

6. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the
bell, but no one comes out.

8. Santa khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne poocha kya bana
rahe ho ?
Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..

9. A man told santa: Banta is kissing your wife.
Santa hurriedly rushed to home, within half hour came back angrily and slapped
the man and said: He is not Banta.

10. Santa is repeatedly buying movie tickets.
On being asked, santa replied: A man standing at the entry, tears my ticket
everytime.

Relationships (Joke)

Maria a beautiful Latino fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry
very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her
papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another boyfriend.

Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother" .

So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after
telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still. You cannot marry
Ricardo, my darling. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo is your
half-brother too."

Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "My
darling, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you
are not related to Papa."

Ants

A priest is out for an afternoon stroll and turns the corner and finds little Johnny with a hammer smashing the daylights out of a bunch of ants. The kid is saying to himself, "I hate these fucking ants...I hate these fucking ants." The priest is taken back by the little boy's language and talks to him, saying that God doesn't make junk.
"Tomorrow I will be coming by again and if you can tell me three things that God created that are worthless, then I will let you continue killing the ants."
The next afternoon, the priest is out again for his walk and comes upon little Johnny smashing ants again. The priest reminds him of the agreement that they made saying the boy agreed not to kill any more ants unless he could name three things that God created that are worthless.
Little Johnny looks up with a devilish smile and says, "I do know three things that are totally worthless. The first is a prick on a priest, the
second is tits on a nun, and the third are these fucking ants!"............

Your Joke Site

Collection of Little Johny's Funny Jokes and lot more.... All for your Little Johnny To add your jokes to the blog please mail Little Johny (littlejohny.blogspot@googlemail.com) and We will add your blog to the site.

Apraisal Time

Relationships

Maria a beautiful Latino fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry
very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her
papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another boyfriend.

Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother" .

So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after
telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still. You cannot marry
Ricardo, my darling. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo is your
half-brother too."

Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "My
darling, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you
are not related to Papa."

DIWALI Sweet...............

want to give some sweets to u on occasion of DIWALI. I searched a lot. But
I did not find any other better than this.
















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Referrals

Aha! Jokes

Aha! Jokes

Aha! Jokes

Aha! Jokes

The Joke Site - Hundreds of jokes

The Joke Site - Hundreds of jokes

Amen

During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what ’Amen’ means.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "It means... tha-tha-tha-that's all, folks!"

One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.

"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Alabama

It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes.

He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end.

That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed".

This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked.

"No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

10 Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the ten commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat Little Johnny answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Acting

Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Little Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

Abstract Logic

The teacher was putting her class through a lesson in abstract logic.

"Now Johnny," she asked, "if a policeman found a watch on a tramp,what would you naturally infer about the watch?"

Johnny promptly replied,, "That it was on the bum."

New teacher

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

A Gift for Teacher

Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her.

She started to guess what was inside. "Chocolates?" she asked.

"Nope."

"A Cake?"

Johnny shook his head No.

Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."

"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."

Homework

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:

"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."

it's a toothbrush

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is bright red and
shiny?"
Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire engine !!!!???"
"No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the way you think.. Anyone else?"
Little Susan replied that it was an apple and the teacher was happy except Johnny of course..
Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he
can ask a question to which she nodded OK.
" What is long,hard, rounded and has hair at
one end? "
"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF
THAT TALK HERE..."
Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but
I like the way you think"..

Fishing SHop

One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing
pole for his birthday.

She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much
it was. The sales man says, "I'm blind, but if you give me the pole I
can tell how much it is by the weight."

So the lady gives him the pole and he says, "That pole is worth $45."
She was amazed at how cheap that was.

So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and
he says, "This pole is worth $55." she decided that was also really
cheap.

And then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to
the man and he says, "This pole is our best and it is $70." she told him
that she would take it.

As she was getting the fishing pole all rung up, she had to fart really
really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really
wouldn't matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose.

All of a sudden the man says, "It all comes up to $80."

Confused the lady says to him, "But you said the fishing pole was only
$70."

He said, "It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call.

Math Class

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question..
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on
a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest
would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher.
"But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for
you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
licking her cone, the second
biting her cone, and the third one sucking
her cone, which one is married?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess
the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the
wedding ring on her finger.
But I like the way you are thinking..

Jokes!!!

1) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student : I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.

2) Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" o"shoot himself".

3) What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

4) A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out

5)Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"

This explains why we forward jokes to you

This explains why we forward jokes to you...

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what,! and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime.

4 Best Chinese jokes!!

99 SECRETS GIRLS HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT GUYS

99 SECRETS GIRLS HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT GUYS

no offense guys.....dont no hw far its true...!...some do sound true to me atlest...!

Warning:- CAN GET BORING....guys r indeed difficult to analyse..!

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual
questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure
have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and
it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don't provoke(irritate) the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and
this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never
mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are
thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they
talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking
him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he
can't lay down the card for
you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28 You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth
faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems
with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be
hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they
broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.

**51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's
too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be matured and
grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than
girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying,"Please
come and listen to me"

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight,
but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is
wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.*

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl
would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them
offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know
them,they'll realize they're wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance,give it
to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance,ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at u and it
obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I
can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and
take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for
one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and
sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your
relationships.

Cute Love Letter

Read this love letter .. it is so funny !
This is a love letter from a boy to a girl....

However, the girl's father does not like him and
want them to stop the relationship......
So the boy wrote this letter to the LITTLE GIRL.

The great love that I have for you

is gone, and I find my dislike for you

grows every day. When I see you,

I do not even like your face;

the one thing that I want to do is to

look at other girls. I never wanted to

marry you. Our last conversation

was very boring and has not

made me look forward to seeing you again.

You think only of yourself

If we were married, I know that I would find

life very difficult, and I would have no

pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

to give, but it is not something that

I want to give to you. No one is more

foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

able to care for me and help

I sincerely want you to understand that

I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

if you think this the end. Do not try

to answer this. Your letters are full of

things that do not interest me. You have no

true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

I do not care for you. Please do not think
that

I am still your boyfriend."

So bad, isn't it??? ..... However, the boy told the girl before to

"READ BETWEEN THE LINES",

Meaning; to read only the odd numbered lines !
Read it again!....
It's so smart n sweet..

Santa Singh

1 . Santa : What is the meaning of SMS ?
Banta : It Means...
S - Sardaro ka
M - Mazaak udane ki
S - Service

2. Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

3. A sardar saw a beautiful girl. He went and kissed her.
GIRL: "stupid,what are you doin...?"
Sardar: " B.Com Final Year....

4. Santa was driving car zigzag on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
Inspector: without instructor ?
Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.

5. Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi
100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

6. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the
bell, but no one comes out.

8. Santa khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne poocha kya bana
rahe ho ?
Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..

9. A man told santa: Banta is kissing your wife.
Santa hurriedly rushed to home, within half hour came back angrily and slapped
the man and said: He is not Banta.

10. Santa is repeatedly buying movie tickets.
On being asked, santa replied: A man standing at the entry, tears my ticket
everytime.

Best of Little Johny

| > >enjoy, enjoy over the week end.
| > >> > >The famous little Johnny and his
| > pranks.......
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Math Class
| > >> > >Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
| > problems when his
| > >> > teacher
| > >> > >picked him to answer a question..
| > >> > >"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on
| > a fence and you shot one
| > >> > with
| > >> > >your gun, how many would be left ?"
| > >> > >"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest
| > would fly away."
| > >> > >"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher.
| > "But I like the way you
| > >> > are
| > >> > >thinking."
| > >> > >Little Johnny said, "I have a question for
| > you now. If there were
| > >> > three
| > >> > >women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
| > licking her cone, the
| > >> > second
| > >> > >biting her cone, and the third one sucking
| > her cone, which one is
| > >> > married
| > >> > ?
| > >> > >Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess
| > the one sucking the
| > cone?"
| > >> >
| > >> > >"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the
| > wedding ring on her
| > >> > finger.
| > >> > But
| > >> > >I like the way you are thinking..
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Red and Shiny
| > >> > >The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their
| > minds, asked the class
| > >> > the
| > >> > >following question, " What is bright red and
| > shiny?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire
| > engine !!!!???"
| > >> > >"No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the
| > way you think.. Anyone
| > >> > else?"
| > >> > >Little Susan replied that it was an apple and
| > the teacher was happy
| > >> > except
| > >> > >Johnny of course..
| > >> > >Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he
| > can ask a question to
| > >> > which
| > >> > >she nodded OK.
| > >> > >" What is long,hard, rounded and has hair at
| > one end? "
| > >> > >"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF
| > THAT TALK HERE..."
| > >> > >Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but
| > I like the way you
| > >> > think"..
| > >> >
| >
| >*******************************************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >A priest is out for an afternoon stroll and
| > turns the corner and
| > >> > finds
| > >> > >little Johnny with a hammer smashing the
| > daylights out of
| > >> > >a bunch of ants. The kid is saying to
| > himself, "I hate these fucking
| > >> > >ants...I hate these fucking ants."
| > >> > >The priest is taken back by the little boy's
| > language and talks to
| > >> > him,
| > >> > >saying that God doesn't make junk.
| > >> > >"Tomorrow I will be coming by again and if
| > you can tell me three
| > >> > things
| > >> > >that
| > >> > >God created that are worthless, then I will
| > let you
| > >> > >continue killing the ants."
| > >> > >The next afternoon, the priest is out again
| > for his walk and comes
| > >> > upon
| > >> > >little Johnny smashing ants again. The priest
| > reminds him of the
| > >> > agreement
| > >> > >that they made saying the boy agreed not to
| > kill any more ants unless
| > >> > he
| > >> > >could name three things that God created that
| > are worthless.
| > >> > >Little Johnny looks up with a devilish smile
| > and says, "I do know
| > >> > three
| > >> > >things that are totally worthless. The first
| > is a prick on a priest,
| > >> > the
| > >> > >second is tits on a nun, and the third are
| > these fucking
| > >> > ants!"............
| > >> > >
| > >> > >************************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >One day the teacher came to class with a rose
| > placed in her cleavage.
| > >> > >She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses
| > drink? How about
| > >> > you,johnny?"
| > >> > >"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.
| > >> > >"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer.
| > >> > >Roses drink water," explained the teacher.
| > >> > >"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the
| > stem was that long!"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >*****************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Johnny returns from school and says he got an
| > F in arithmetics.
| > >> > >"Why?" asks the father.
| > >> > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said
| > '6'" "But that's right!"
| > >> > >"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
| > "What's the fucking
| > >> > difference?"
| > >> > >"That's exactly what I said."
| > >> > >****************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > > Five years old Johnny and his little sister
| > are peeping through a
| > >> > keyhole
| > >> > >at their parents making love
| > >> > >"Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed
| > even to stick a finger in
| > >> > our
| > >> > >nose!"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >***************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Johnny and his father are observing a couple
| > of dogs screwing each
| > >> > other.
| > >> > >"Dad, what're the dogs doing?" asks Johnny.
| > >> > >"Well, the one below has relaxed and the one
| > above has concentrated."
| > >> > >"Okay, I've understood."
| > >> > >"What've you understood!?" asks the father
| > sarcastically.
| > >> > >"Never relax in your life, dad, or you'll get
| > fucked like a dog!"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >****************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Johnny's parents were out of town once and so
| > they asked that young
| > >> > female
| > >> > >teacher to stay for that time in their house.
| > >> > >Before going to bed Johnny says to her "Oh,
| > please, I'm so afraid to
| > >> > be
| > >> > by
| > >> > >myself, please, sleep in my bed."
| > >> > >She agrees, they go to bed. In the morning
| > she wakes up to find a big
| > >> > >hairy-chested man in her bed.
| > >> > >She exclaims: "Johnny? Where is Johnny?!!!"
| > >> > >"Johnny? Who is Johnny? Is that the little
| > boy selling the tickets?"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Little Johnny is taking a shower with his
| > mother and says,
| > >> > >"Mom, what are those things on your chest?"
| > >> > >Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to
| > ask his dad at breakfast
| > >> > >tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be
| > forgotten. Johnny didn't
| > >> > >forget.
| > >> > >The following morning he asked his father the
| > same question. His
| > >> > father,
| > >> > >always quick with the answers, says,
| > >> > >"Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your
| > mommy dies, we can blow
| > >> > them up
| > >> > >and she'll float to heaven."
| > >> > >Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more
| > questions. A few weeks
| > >> > later,
| > >> > >Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours
| > early.
| > >> > >Johnny runs out of the house crying
| > hysterically,
| > >> > >"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!" His father
| > says,
| > >> > >"Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's
| > dying?"
| > >> > >"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons
| > and she's screaming 'Oh
| > >> > God,
| > >> > >I'm
| > >> > >coming!"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >*****************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Nursery school teacher says to her class,
| > "Who can use the word
| > >> > >'Definitely'
| > >> > >in a sentence?"
| > >> > >First a little girl says "The sky is
| > definitely blue"
| > >> > >Teacher says,"Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be
| > gray, or orange..."
| > >> > >Second little boy..."Trees are definitely
| > green"
| > >> > >"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are
| > brown."
| > >> > >Little Johnny from the back of the class
| > stands up and asks: "Does a
| > >> > fart
| > >> > >have lumps?"
| > >> > >The teacher looks horrified and
| > says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
| > >> > >"OK...then I've DEFINITELY shit in my
| > pants..."
| > >> > >
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Little Johnny is lying in his bed one night
| > and just can't get to
| > >> > sleep.
| > >> > He
| > >> > >decides to go to his parent's room to go chat
| > to
| > >> > >them.
| > >> > >Upon entering their room, he sees their
| > blankets going up-and-down.
| > >> > >Johnny:" Mommy, daddy, what are you doing?"
| > >> > >Parents:" We are playing cards, now GET OUT!"
| > >> > >So Johnny decides to go into hisgrand
| > parent's room, only to find the
| > >> > >blankets going up-and-down.
| > >> > >Johnny: " Granny, Grandpa, what are you
| > doing?"
| > >> > >Grandpa:" Get out! We are playing cards!"
| > >> > >Feeling rejected,Johnny goes back to his own
| > room and gets back into
| > >> > bed.
| > >> > >A while later both his parents, and
| > grandparents feel bad for yelling
| > >> > at
| > >> > >him
| > >> > >so decide to go and apologize.
| > >> > >Upon entering his room, they see the blankets
| > going up-and-down.
| > >> > >"Johnny! What are you doing??!!"
| > >> > >Johnny:"I'm playing cards." Grandpa:" But
| > who's your partner?"
| > >> > >Johnny: "With a hand like this, who needs a
| > partner?"
| > >> > >
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Confused Little johnny comes home from school
| > with a note from his
| > >> > teacher,
| > >> > >indicating that "johnny seems to be
| > >> > >having some difficulty with the differences
| > between boys and girls,
| > >> > and
| > >> > >would his mother, "please sit down and have a
| > >> > >talk with johnny about this."
| > >> > >So johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the
| > hand, upstairs to her
| > >> > bedroom,
| > >> > >and closes the door..
| > >> > > - first, johnny, you take off my blouse....
| > >> > >so unbuttons her blouse and takes it off..
| > >> > >- ok, now take off my skirt....
| > >> > >and he takes off her skirt..
| > >> > >- now take off my bra....
| > >> > >which he does..
| > >> > >- and now, johnny, please take off my
| > panties..
| > >> > >
| > >> > > and when johnny finishes removing those,
| > she says,
| > >> > > "johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my
| > clothes to school any more!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >What are you doing
| > >> > >Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the
| > some loud noises coming
| > >> > from
| > >> > >his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and
| > walked down the hall
| > >> > towards
| > >> > >his
| > >> > >parents room. Before he made it to the end of
| > the hall, the noises
| > had
| > >> >
| > >> > >ceased and the bathroom light had gone on..
| > >> > >Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and
| > saw his father removing a
| > >> > used
| > >> > >condom..
| > >> > >"Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little
| > Johnny..
| > >> > >His father looked around nervously wondering
| > what he could tell his
| > >> > son..
| > >> > >I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for
| > mice." replied his
| > >> > father..
| > >> > >Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of
| > confusion and said, "Well,
| > >> > what
| > >> > >are you doing? Fucking them?"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >Classroom
| > >> > >One day, the teacher walks into her classroom
| > and announces to the
| > >> > class
| > >> > >that on each Friday, she will ask a
| > >> > >question to the class and anyone who answers
| > correctly doesn't have
| > to
| > >> > go
| > >> > >to
| > >> > >school the following Monday.
| > >> > >On the first Friday, the teacher asks,
| > >> > >"How many grains of sand are in the beach?"
| > >> > >Needless to say, no one could answer..
| > >> > >The following Friday, the teacher asks the
| > class,
| > >> > >"How many stars are in the sky?"
| > >> > >and again no one could answer..
| > >> > >Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the
| > next Friday, he would
| > >> > somehow
| > >> > >answer the question and get a 3 day
| > >> > >weekend..
| > >> > >So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong
| > balls and paints them
| > >> > black.
| > >> > >The next day, he brings them to
| > >> > >school in a paper bag..
| > >> > >At the end of the day, just when the teacher
| > says,
| > >> > >"Here's this week's question,"
| > >> > >Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending
| > the ping-pong balls
| > >> > rolling
| > >> > to
| > >> > >the front of the room. Because they
| > >> > >are young kids who find any disruption of
| > class amusing, the entire
| > >> > class
| > >> > >starts laughing..
| > >> > >The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian
| > with the black balls?"
| > >> > >Immediately, little Johnny stands up and
| > says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on
| > >> > >Tuesday!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Not Another Word
| > >> > >Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door
| > after she had been out
| > of
| > >> >
| > >> > town
| > >> > >all week and said, "Mommy, guess
| > >> > >what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet
| > in your bedroom and
| > >> > Daddy
| > >> > >came into the room with the lady from next
| > door
| > >> > >and they got undressed and they got into bed
| > and then Daddy got on
| > >> > top of
| > >> > >her and -"
| > >> > >The mother held up her hand and said, "Not
| > another word! Wait until
| > >> > your
| > >> > >father gets home and then I want you to tell
| > him exactly what you've
| > >> > just
| > >> > >told me." The father comes home and the wife
| > tells him that she's
| > >> > leaving
| > >> > >him..
| > >> > >"But why?" croaks the husband. "Go ahead,
| > Johnny, tell Daddy just
| > >> > what
| > >> > you
| > >> > >told me."
| > >> > >"Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing
| > in your closet and Daddy
| > >> > came
| > >> > >upstairs with the lady next door and they got
| > undressed and they got
| > >> > into
| > >> > >bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did
| > just what you did,
| > >> > Mommy,
| > >> > >with Uncle Bob Heaven
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Pass or Fail
| > >> > >Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu,
| > but he'd done so well
| > >> > during
| > >> > >the year that the teacher suggested to the
| > principal that they give
| > >> > him an
| > >> > >oral exam to make up for the test he'd
| > missed..
| > >> > >The principal agreed so they called Johnny
| > into the office,
| > explained,
| > >> >
| > >> > then
| > >> > >the teacher asked,
| > >> > >"Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I
| > only have two of?"
| > >> > >Johnny replied, "Legs."
| > >> > >The teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have
| > in your pants that I
| > >> > don't
| > >> > >have
| > >> > >in my pants?"
| > >> > >Johnny replied, "Pockets."
| > >> > >The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the
| > capital of Italy?"
| > >> > >Johnny replied. "Rome."
| > >> > >The teacher turned to the principal and
| > asked, "Should we pass him?"
| > >> > >The principal replied, "Better not ask me, I
| > got the first two wrong"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Harassment
| > >> > >Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence..
| > >> > >Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass
| > meant 'yes'..
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Cookie Time
| > >> > >Little Johnny was in school one day when the
| > teacher brought around
| > >> > cookies
| > >> > >for snack time.
| > >> > >"Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie."
| > >> > >"I don't fucking want one," declared Johnny..
| > >> > >The teacher was shocked. She called Little
| > Johnny's mother and
| > >> > scheduled
| > >> > >her
| > >> > >to come in for a meeting the next day..
| > >> > >When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the
| > teacher had her hide behind
| > >> > the
| > >> > >curtain until snack time came around.
| > >> > >As she came to Little Johnny, she again told
| > him "Here Little
| > >> > Johnny...
| > >> > >It's
| > >> > >time for your cookie."
| > >> > >"I don't fucking want one," stated Little
| > Johnny again..
| > >> > >The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said
| > to his mother,
| > >> > >"See? Did you hear what he said?"
| > >> > >"So don't fucking give him one," said Little
| > Johnny's mother..
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Loaf of Bread
| > >> > >Little Johnny's mother sent Little Johnny to
| > the store to get a loaf
| > >> > of
| > >> > >bread..
| > >> > >Little Johnny's is coming home from the store
| > swinging the loaf of
| > >> > bread
| > >> > in
| > >> > >one hand and the other hand in his pants
| > pocket..
| > >> > >Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to
| > himself, "This is a good
| > >> > opportunity
| > >> > >to say something from the bible to Little
| > Johnny."
| > >> > >He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see
| > Little Johnny that you
| > >> > have
| > >> > >the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you
| > have in the other?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread
| > Father".
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >A new teacher while introducing herself to
| > children said
| > >> > >"My name is Miss. Prussy and it is easy to
| > remember. Just remember
| > the
| > >> >
| > >> > word
| > >> > >pussy in your rhyme and add "r" in between
| > first two letters.
| > >> > >Next day techer wanted to test whether
| > children could remember her
| > >> > name or
| > >> > >not. So she asked the whole class to
| > >> > >tell her name a little louder.
| > >> > >Silence prevailed for sometime as none of the
| > children could remember
| > >> > her
| > >> > >name. Then little Johnny remembered
| > >> > >suddenly and shouted with excitement
| > "Crunt".
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > > Little Johnny came running into the house
| > and asked,
| > >> > > "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
| > "No," said his mom, "of
| > >> > course
| > >> > >not."
| > >> > > Little Johnny then ran back outside and
| > his mom heard him yell to
| > >> > his
| > >> > >friends,
| > >> > >"It's okay, we can play that game again!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > > Little Johnny had some sex questions for
| > his father,
| > >> > >"Dad, what does 'pussy' mean?"
| > >> > >The father took the little boy up to his
| > study room and got out a
| > >> > Playboy
| > >> > >magazine.
| > >> > >He opened the book to the centerfold and too
| > got out an ink pen.
| > >> > >He drew a small circle in the appropriate
| > place and told Johnny,
| > >> > >"See that circle, everything inside the
| > circle is a pussy."
| > >> > >"Oh," said little Johnny. "One more thing,
| > what is a bitch?"
| > >> > >"Well," said the father, "see that little
| > circle? A'bitch' is
| > >> > everything
| > >> > >outside the circle if it doesn't give
| > >> > >you what is inside the circle..."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >A third grade teacher told her class,
| > "Children, we are going to
| > begin
| > >> > to
| > >> > >study a little sex education. Tonight,
| > girls, your first assignment
| > >> > will
| > >> > >be
| > >> > >to find out from your parents how to avoid
| > Getting pregnant. For you
| > >> > boys,
| > >> > >your assignment will be to go home and find
| > out what a penis is."
| > >> > >So little Johnny goes home and asks his
| > father,
| > >> > >"Daddy, what is a penis?"
| > >> > >The father pulls down his pants and points
| > >> > >proudly saying, "Son, that is a perfect
| > penis."
| > >> > >The next day,
| > >> > >when Johnny gets to school, his best friend
| > runs up to him on the
| > >> > >playground
| > >> > >and says to Johnny, "I forgot to find out
| > what a penis is! What's a
| > >> > penis!"
| > >> > >Johnny tells him, "Come on." So they both go
| > into the boys room and
| > >> > Johnny
| > >> > >pulls down his pants. He points down and
| > says, "There, if that was a
| > >> > >little
| > >> > >smaller, it would be a perfect penis!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >Little Johnny, on a day when he was being
| > particularly reckless, was
| > >> > >playing
| > >> > >in the backyard one morning.
| > >> > >Soon, some honeybees started swirling around,
| > annoying little Johnny.
| > >> > >He began stomping on them in his temper. His
| > father caught him
| > >> > trampling
| > >> > >the
| > >> > >honeybees, and after a brief moment
| > >> > >of thought said, "That's it! No honey for
| > you for one month!"
| > >> > >Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon
| > some butterflies, and soon
| > >> > >started catching them and crushing them under
| > his feet. His father
| > >> > again
| > >> > >caught him, and after a brief moment of
| > thought, said, "No butter for
| > >> > you
| > >> > >for one month!"
| > >> > >Early that evening, Johnny's mother was
| > cooking lot more fun the
| > >> > kitchen
| > >> > >floor.
| > >> > >She began stomping on them one by one until
| > all the cockroaches were
| > >> > dead.
| > >> > >Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and
| > his father standing
| > there
| > >> >
| > >> > >watching her. To which Johnny said, "Are you
| > going to tell her,
| > daddy,
| > >> > or
| > >> > >do
| > >> > >you want me to?"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >A few months after his parents were divorced,
| > Little Johnny passedby
| > >> > his
| > >> > >mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body
| > and moaning, "I need a
| > >> > man, I
| > >> > >need a man!"
| > >> > >Over the next couple of months, he saw her
| > doing this several times.
| > >> > >One day, he came home from school and heard
| > her moaning.
| > >> > >When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man
| > on top of her.
| > >> > >Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his
| > clothes, threw himself
| > >> > on
| > >> > his
| > >> > >bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,
| > >> > >"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Salesman
| > >> > >A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and
| > 10-year old Little Johnny
| > >> > >answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat
| > cigar.
| > >> > >The salesman says, "Little boy, is your
| > father home?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and
| > says, "What do you
| > >> > think?"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >Too Young
| > >> > >A guy's walking down the street and sees
| > Dirty Johnny smoking a
| > >> > cigarette.
| > >> > >He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."
| > >> > >Johnny looks up and doesn't say anything. The
| > guy says, "How old are
| > >> > you?"
| > >> > >Johnny says, "Six."
| > >> > >The guy says, "Six? When did you start
| > smoking?"
| > >> > >Johnny says,
| > >> > >"Right after the first time I got laid."
| > >> > >The guy says, "Right after the first time you
| > got laid? When was
| > >> > that?"
| > >> > >Johnny says, "I don't remember. I was drunk."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Bathroom
| > >> > >Little Johnny was sitting in class and
| > started waving his arm saying,
| > >> > >teacher!, teacher! I have to go pee!"
| > >> > >The teacher called Johnny to her desk and
| > said, "Now Johnny, in this
| > >> > class
| > >> > >we use proper wording, the correct word is
| > >> > >urinate. You may go to the bathroom, but when
| > you come back I want
| > you
| > >> > to
| > >> > >give me a sentence using the word urinate."
| > >> > >So Johnny goes down the hall to the bathroom
| > and when he comes back
| > >> > the
| > >> > >teacher says, "O.k. Johnny, I want to
| > >> > >hear your sentence now"
| > >> > >Little Johnny says,"O.K., here
| > goes---Urinate, but you'd be a ten if
| > >> > your
| > >> > >tits were bigger"!!!!
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Sex
| > >> > >Little Johnny was a curious little guy and
| > was always asking
| > >> > questions.
| > >> > >One day, when his aunt was visiting, he went
| > into his typical
| > >> > >interrogation.
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how old are
| > you?
| > >> > >Auntie: Well Johnny, that's not a question
| > that you ask a lady.
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how much do
| > you weigh?
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny! That's not a question you ask
| > a lady.
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, why don't you
| > and your boyfriend
| > sleep
| > >> > in
| > >> > >the same bed?
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny, stop this! That's not a
| > question you ask a lady!
| > >> > >Johnny went off to play but the next day he
| > was talking to his aunt
| > >> > again.
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how
| > old you are.You're 32
| > years
| > >> >
| > >> > old.
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that?
| > >> > >Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how
| > much you weigh.You're 135
| > >> > >pounds.
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that?
| > >> > >Johnny: And Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. I know
| > why you don't sleep in the
| > >> > same
| > >> > >bed as your boyfriend.
| > >> > >Auntie: Johnny! Stop this! How do you know
| > all this?
| > >> > >Johnny: Well, I found your driver's license
| > last night. Here it says
| > >> > that
| > >> > >you're 32 years old and here it says
| > >> > >that you weigh 135 pounds. And right down
| > here it explains why you
| > >> > don't
| > >> > >sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend.
| > >> > >Auntie: Where does it say that?
| > >> > >Johnny: Right here. It says you got an "F" in
| > Sex.
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >No Fighting
| > >> > >Little Johnny comes home from catholic school
| > wit a black eye.
| > >> > >His father see's it and says "Johnny, how
| > many times do I have to
| > tell
| > >> > you
| > >> > >not to fight with the other boys?"
| > >> > >But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in
| > church saying our
| > prayers.
| > >> > We
| > >> > >all stood up and my teacher in front of me
| > had her dress in the crack
| > >> > of
| > >> > >her
| > >> > >butt. I reached over and pulled it out.
| > That's when she hit me!"
| > >> > >"Johnny", the father said. You don't do those
| > kind of things to
| > women.
| > >> >
| > >> > Sure
| > >> > >enough, the very next day Johnny came home
| > with the other eye black
| > >> > and
| > >> > >blue.
| > >> > >Johnny's fathersaid, "Johnny, I thought we
| > had a talk!"
| > >> > >"But Dad" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault.
| > There we were in church
| > >> > saying
| > >> > >our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher
| > in front of us had her
| > >> > dress
| > >> > in
| > >> > >the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was
| > sitting next to me saw it
| > >> > and he
| > >> > >reached over and pulled it out. Now I know
| > she doesn't like this, so
| > I
| > >> >
| > >> > >pushed it back in!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Big Sister
| > >> > >Little Johnny was twelve years old and like
| > other boys of his age,
| > >> > rather
| > >> > >curious. He has been hearing quite a bit
| > about "courting" from older
| > >> > boys,
| > >> > >and he wondered what it was and how it was
| > done.
| > >> > >One day he took his questions to his mother,
| > who became rather
| > >> > flustered.
| > >> > >Instead of explaining things to him, she told
| > him to hide behind the
| > >> > >curtain
| > >> > >one night and watch his older sister and her
| > boy friend. This he did.
| > >> > The
| > >> > >following morning he described everything to
| > his mother.
| > >> > >"Sis and her boy friend sat and talked for a
| > while, then he turned
| > off
| > >> >
| > >> > most
| > >> > >of the lights, and he started kissing and
| > hugging her. I figured sis
| > >> > must
| > >> > >be
| > >> > >getting sick because she started looking
| > funny. He must have thought
| > >> > so
| > >> > too
| > >> > >because he put his hand under her blouse to
| > feel her heart just like
| > a
| > >> >
| > >> > >doctor would, except he's not as smart as the
| > doctor because he
| > seemed
| > >> > to
| > >> > >have trouble finding the heart.
| > >> > >I guess he was getting sick too, because
| > pretty soon both of them
| > >> > started
| > >> > >panting and getting all out of breath.
| > >> > >His other hand must have been cold, because
| > he put it under her
| > skirt.
| > >> >
| > >> > >About
| > >> > >this time, sis got worse, and began
| > >> > >to moan and squirm around. They slid down to
| > the end of the couch.
| > >> > This
| > >> > was
| > >> > >when the fever started. I know it
| > >> > >was a fever, because sis told him she felt
| > really hot.
| > >> > >Finally, I found out what was making them so
| > sick: A big eel had
| > >> > gotten
| > >> > >inside his pants somehow.. It just
| > >> > >jumped out of his pants and stood there,
| > about ten inches long.
| > >> > >Honest. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to
| > keep it from getting
| > >> > away.
| > >> > >When
| > >> > >sis saw it she got really
| > >> > >scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell
| > open. She started
| > calling
| > >> > out
| > >> > >to god and stuff like that. She said that was
| > >> > >the biggest one she had ever seen. I should
| > tell her about the ones
| > >> > down
| > >> > at
| > >> > >the lake..
| > >> > >Any ways, sis got brave and tried to kill the
| > eel by biting its head
| > >> > off.
| > >> > >All of a sudden she made a noise and let the
| > eel go... I guess it bit
| > >> > her
| > >> > >back, then she grabbed it with both hands and
| > held it tight while he
| > >> > took
| > >> > a
| > >> > >muzzle out of his pants pocket and slipped it
| > over the eels head to
| > >> > keep
| > >> > it
| > >> > >from biting again. Sis laid back and spread
| > her legs so she could get
| > >> > a
| > >> > >scissor lock on it, and he helped by laying
| > on top of the eel. The
| > eel
| > >> > put
| > >> > >up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning
| > and squealing and her
| > >> > boyfriend
| > >> > >almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted
| > to kill the eel by
| > >> > squashing
| > >> > it
| > >> > >between them..
| > >> > >After a while, they both got up and gave a
| > great sigh, her boyfriend
| > >> > got
| > >> > up
| > >> > >and sure enough, they had killed the eel. i
| > know it was dead, because
| > >> > it
| > >> > >just hung ther, limp and some of its insides
| > were hanging out..
| > >> > >Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired
| > from the battle, but they
| > >> > went
| > >> > to
| > >> > >courting anyway. He started hugging and
| > kissing again. By Golly, the
| > >> > eel
| > >> > >wasn't dead. It jumped straight-up and
| > started to fight again. guess
| > >> > eels
| > >> > >are like cats... they have nine lives...
| > >> > >This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the
| > eel by sitting on it.
| > >> > After
| > >> > >fifty-five minutes of struggle, they finally
| > killed the eel.
| > >> > >I know it was this time because i saw sis's
| > boyfriend peel its skin
| > >> > off
| > >> > and
| > >> > >flush it down the toilet.
| > >> > >Johnny's mother fainted.
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Sunday School
| > >> > >At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little
| > Johnny, "Do you know where
| > >> > >little
| > >> > >boys and girls go when they do bad things?"
| > >> > >"Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out
| > in back of the church
| > >> > yard."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >LITTLE JOHNNY XIII
| > >> > >One day a 5th grade class was taking a field
| > trip but the weather was
| > >> > >extreamlly bad and the trip was to be delayed
| > and they had to stay in
| > >> > a
| > >> > >hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was
| > sleeping in the same froom
| > >> > as
| > >> > >his
| > >> > >teacher.
| > >> > >In the middle of the night the teacher woke
| > up and was frigtened by
| > >> > the
| > >> > >sight of alex standing right over her.
| > >> > >He asked if he could sleep with her cause he
| > couldn't sleep.
| > >> > >She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a
| > little closer and she said
| > >> > okay.
| > >> > >Then he asked if he could put his finger in
| > her belly button...and
| > she
| > >> >
| > >> > said
| > >> > >"NO". "But my mommy lets me do it when i
| > can't sleep and it helps."
| > >> > >So the teacher says " okay fine, do whatever
| > your mom lets you do."
| > >> > and a
| > >> > >few minutes later the teacher says
| > >> > >"OH...thats not my bellybutton." And Johhny
| > says, "thats not my
| > >> > finger."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >There is a teacher teaching sex ed to a bunch
| > of 5th graders. She
| > >> > walks
| > >> > to
| > >> > >the chalk board and raws a huge penis
| > >> > >on the board! She truns to the class and
| > simply asked the class,
| > >> > "Class,
| > >> > >does and one know what that is?" The
| > >> > >class sits silently for a second or two than
| > little johnny stands
| > from
| > >> > the
| > >> > >back!
| > >> > >He yells, "I know what that is! It's a PENIS!
| > I know cause my dad's
| > >> > got
| > >> > >two!"
| > >> > >"The small one he pee's from, the big one he
| > brushs the babysitters
| > >> > teeth
| > >> > >with!"
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >A salesman rang the door bell and little
| > Johnny answered.
| > >> > >The salesman asked if his father was at home.
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "Yes."
| > >> > >The salesman: "Well, can I see him please?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "No, he is in the shower."
| > >> > >The Salesman asked if his mother was at
| > home.
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "Yes."
| > >> > >The Salesman: "Well can I see her?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "No, she's in the shower
| > too.."
| > >> > >The Salesman: "Do you think they will be out
| > soon?"
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "No."
| > >> > >The salesman asked why.
| > >> > >Little Johnny: "Well, when my dad asked me
| > for the vaseline I gave
| > him
| > >> >
| > >> > some
| > >> > >super glue instead."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his
| > mother. They go to the
| > >> > elephant
| > >> > >exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is
| > >> > >taking a leak. Johnny points to the
| > pachyderm`s privates and says,
| > >> > >"Mommy, what`s that?" Mommy, seeing the huge
| > penis, turns bright red
| > >> > and
| > >> > >says,
| > >> > >"Oh, that`s nothing. Never mind. Come along
| > now."
| > >> > >A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with
| > his father. Johnny grabs
| > >> > his
| > >> > >dad by the hand, and pulls him over the
| > elephants, saying he has a
| > >> > >question.
| > >> > >Once there, Johnny points to the elephant`s
| > penis and says,
| > >> > >"Daddy, what`s that?" Dad replies, "Didn`t
| > your mother tell you?"
| > >> > >"Yes, she told me it was nothing."
| > >> > >"Well, That's true. That's nothing for your
| > mother."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >My teacher is really giving me a tuff
| > time,"Little Johnny was telling
| > >> > his
| > >> > >Father.
| > >> > >"Handle it this way Johnny," his father
| > advised.
| > >> > >"Take special care with your personal
| > appearance and attire. Pay
| > >> > attention
| > >> > >in class. And do your assignments and
| > homework promptly."
| > >> > >"I really don't think that'll help Dad,
| > Johnny rejoined. "
| > >> > >She hissed at me during study break that
| > she's 3 weeks overdue."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >The pretty teacher was concerned with one of
| > her eleven-year-old
| > >> > students.
| > >> > >Taking him aside after class one day, she
| > asked, "Little Johnny, why
| > >> > has
| > >> > >your school work been so poor lately?"
| > >> > >"I'm in love," the boy replied.
| > >> > >Holding back an urge to smile, she asked,
| > "With whom?"
| > >> > >"With you," he said. "But Johnny," she said
| > gently, "don't you see
| > >> > how
| > >> > >silly that is? It's true that I would like a
| > husband of my own
| > >> > someday.
| > >> > >But
| > >> > >I don't want a child."
| > >> > >"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly,
| > "I'll use a rubber."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > >The teacher brought a Venus statue in class
| > and asks,
| > >> > >"What do you like best about it, class?
| > >> > >Let's start with you, Robert."
| > >> > >"The artwork," says Robert.
| > >> > >"Very good. And you, Peter?"
| > >> > >"Her tits!" says Peter.
| > >> > >"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall,"
| > responds the teacher with
| > >> > disgust.
| > >> > >"And you, Johnny?"
| > >> > >"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
| > >> > >******************************
| > >> > >
| > >> > > 3 cheers to johnny!