BEER PHILOSOPHY

"Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, 'It
is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver'"

-- Babe Ruth

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"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with
fools."



-- Ernest Hemingway

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

-- Paul Hornung

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

-- H.L. Mencken

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"



-- George Bernard Shaw

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."



-- Benjamin Franklin

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."



-- Dave Barry

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"Remember, it's "I" before "E", except in Budweiser."



-- Professor Irwin Corey

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"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a 'support group'. Salvation in a
can!"



-- Leo Durocher

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"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."

-- Cliff Clavin

 

Welcome to the Stock Market!!

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to thevillagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.     The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.  

The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started   catching monkeys again.  

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!  

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.  

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50.  

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.     Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!  

Welcome to the Stock Market!!

Re: bollywood movies online

==========Watch Movies Online==========

Hindi 

http://www.ibollytv.com/

http://www.hindilinks4u.net/ 

http://filmydesi.blogspot.com

English

http://www.watch-movies.net/

Scare the hell out of your co-passengers

If you're sitting next to someone on a plane who irritates you, try doing this:

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start it up.
4. Make sure the fellow traveller who is annoying you can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips like you are praying.
6. Then click here 

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

 
How Smart Is Your Right Foot?
Trust me try this, it takes only few seconds.

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.. Your foot will change direction!!!

I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it.

Keep Trying  

Sardar Time

Doctor to sardar patient    : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.
Sardar  : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Sardar :  Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le lit hi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Sardar :  Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor :  Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?
Sardar :  Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor( in frustration) :  Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?
Sardar :  Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Sardar :  Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor :  Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Sardar :  Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!
Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

Job Change....

Once a cab driver was driving. Suddenly, the passenger on the back seat
touched the cab driver's shoulder to say something. The cab driver
screamed, went out of the lane, just managed to prevent an accident and
the cab just stopped 1 inch away from a toy shop. Both the driver and
the passenger yelled - "Weuffff!!! Thanks God".
The passenger apologized to the driver - "Hey, I didn't know that one
touch of mine could make you afraid so much. I am sorry."
The cab driver replied - "Hey, it's not your fault. Actually this is the
first day of me as a cab driver. Earlier I was driving a van since 25
years which used to carry deadbodies...."



So, think before you make a job switch !!!

Relation between Girls & Computer

HARD-DISK Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
 
RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
 
WINDOWS Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
 
SCREENSAVER Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
 
INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.
 
 
SERVER Girls:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
 
 
CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.
 
 
E-MAIL Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
 
 
VIRUS Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her,
she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources.
If you try to uninstall her you will lose something,
if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.. ......... .

How we love our politicians ...

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the freeway. Nothing is moving.


Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and
asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Lalu ji, Advani ji, Sonia ji, Rabri ji, Mayavati devi, Narendra Modi, etc. They're asking for a Rs.500000 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."


The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a litre."