Joke: Why Newton committed suicide

Here is the reason. Why Newton Committed Suicide…..

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.

Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang… the gangster dies…

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide…

Joke: Love vs Marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"

NICE QUOTES FOR WOMEN ::::

"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water."    (Nancy Reagan)

 

 

"men want their women to be their first love ......but women are more SUBTLE.....they want their men to be their last love.............."

 

(amazing but true...........)                                                                                         (Anonymous)

 

 

"Whether women are better than men I cannot say- but I can say they are certainly no worse."       (Golda Meir)

 

 

"I hate women because they always know where things are."     (James Thurber)

 

 

"Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it"                (Anonymous)

 

 

"What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.     (George Jean Nathan)

 

 

"They talk about a woman's sphere, as though it had a limit. There's not a place in earth or heaven. There's not a task to mankind given...

 

without a woman in it. "                                                                                   (Anonymous)

                                                                                                                  

 

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."                (Aristotle Onassis)

 

 

"Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less."              (Susan B. Anthony)

 

 

FW: Marriage Quotes !

 

 

Regards,

Shuchita Aggarwal

Software Engineer- Test

43, Electronic City, Phase -II

Hosur road,

Bangalore - 560100, India

Direct:   +91 80 40375416

Board:    +91 80 40375300

Fax:       +91 80 40375303

Urgent:  +91 9342456943

Email: saggarwal@velankani.com

URL: www.velankani.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

www.mayursha.com | y: mayursha | 9819602175

 

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*Computer programmer's shayri*

Subject: *Computer programmer's shayri*
1)
Kal jab mile thhe....
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain...
your file not found! *

2)
Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...

3)
Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...

4)
Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...

5)
Roz subha hum karte hain
py! ar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekti hain
jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...

6)
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
No more disk space.

7)
Ghar se jab tum nikale
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya Server down





--
Keep Smiling...

Movers And Packers India

Best Movers and Packers in India
http://www.sirpacknmove.com

CONTACT - SUSHIL GUPTA - 080-23712019, 9342528260,9945523111

Wife is wife

A Wife is a wife, no Matter who THE HELL you are!!

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Me and my Boss

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough




When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,



When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,



When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,



When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.



When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.



When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.



When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked



When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets

Project Manager kidnapped

Gud One….
 
Employees of a Software Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in Loud discussions during office time.....


Some Trainees, who had just joined,notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee.

They ask, "What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped our Project Managers.


They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.


We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."


One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
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"About a litre." 

Joke

Herolal breakes off his engagement on knowing that the girl is 25 years old & virgin.
Herolal explaining 'jo ladki 25 saal kisi ke kam nahi aahi , wo mere kya kam ayegi.

love life indian advertisement line

Want to propose a girl
Just do it - Nike

Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best - BPL.

If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.

If you are going to propose to a girl
Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.

If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
Take it easy - Limca.

Girl says NO !
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.

Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do - Daewoo.

If some one wants to write a love letter to his
girlfriend
Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.

If you love someone
Go get it - Visa power.

Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl
Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.

Not satisfied with your date
Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.

A guy having a number of girl friends
The Complete Man - Raymonds.

A smart girl having a number of boyfriends
Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.

For those lost in love
Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.

For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one
Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Excel

The Cookie

Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The grandfather takes out a cigarette and lights it.

Little Johnny says, "Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?"

"Can you touch your butt with your penis?"

"No," replies Little Johnny.

"Then, you're not big enough," explains the grandfather.

A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it.

Little Johnny then asks, "Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?"

"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"

"No," says Little Johnny.

"Then, you're not old enough."

Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny gets hungry so he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies, and eats one.

The grandfather looks at him and says, "They look good, can I have one of your cookies?"

"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"

"I most certainly can!" says the grandfather proudly.

"Then go fuck yourself… these are my cookies!"

potty training

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:

1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5, 3-5, 3-5…

TV

Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

Its Santa Again...!!!

1 . Santa : What is the meaning of SMS ?
Banta : It Means...
S - Sardaro ka
M - Mazaak udane ki
S - Service

2. Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

3. A sardar saw a beautiful girl. He went and kissed her.
GIRL: "stupid,what are you doin...?"
Sardar: " B.Com Final Year....

4. Santa was driving car zigzag on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
Inspector: without instructor ?
Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.

5. Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi
100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

6. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the
bell, but no one comes out.

8. Santa khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne poocha kya bana
rahe ho ?
Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..

9. A man told santa: Banta is kissing your wife.
Santa hurriedly rushed to home, within half hour came back angrily and slapped
the man and said: He is not Banta.

10. Santa is repeatedly buying movie tickets.
On being asked, santa replied: A man standing at the entry, tears my ticket
everytime.

Relationships (Joke)

Maria a beautiful Latino fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry
very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her
papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another boyfriend.

Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother" .

So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after
telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still. You cannot marry
Ricardo, my darling. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo is your
half-brother too."

Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "My
darling, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you
are not related to Papa."

Ants

A priest is out for an afternoon stroll and turns the corner and finds little Johnny with a hammer smashing the daylights out of a bunch of ants. The kid is saying to himself, "I hate these fucking ants...I hate these fucking ants." The priest is taken back by the little boy's language and talks to him, saying that God doesn't make junk.
"Tomorrow I will be coming by again and if you can tell me three things that God created that are worthless, then I will let you continue killing the ants."
The next afternoon, the priest is out again for his walk and comes upon little Johnny smashing ants again. The priest reminds him of the agreement that they made saying the boy agreed not to kill any more ants unless he could name three things that God created that are worthless.
Little Johnny looks up with a devilish smile and says, "I do know three things that are totally worthless. The first is a prick on a priest, the
second is tits on a nun, and the third are these fucking ants!"............

Your Joke Site

Collection of Little Johny's Funny Jokes and lot more.... All for your Little Johnny To add your jokes to the blog please mail Little Johny (littlejohny.blogspot@googlemail.com) and We will add your blog to the site.

Apraisal Time

Relationships

Maria a beautiful Latino fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry
very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her
papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another boyfriend.

Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother" .

So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after
telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still. You cannot marry
Ricardo, my darling. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo is your
half-brother too."

Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "My
darling, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you
are not related to Papa."

DIWALI Sweet...............

want to give some sweets to u on occasion of DIWALI. I searched a lot. But
I did not find any other better than this.
















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Referrals

Aha! Jokes

Aha! Jokes

Aha! Jokes

Aha! Jokes

The Joke Site - Hundreds of jokes

The Joke Site - Hundreds of jokes

Amen

During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what ’Amen’ means.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "It means... tha-tha-tha-that's all, folks!"

One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.

"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Alabama

It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes.

He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end.

That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed".

This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked.

"No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

10 Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the ten commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat Little Johnny answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Acting

Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Little Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

Abstract Logic

The teacher was putting her class through a lesson in abstract logic.

"Now Johnny," she asked, "if a policeman found a watch on a tramp,what would you naturally infer about the watch?"

Johnny promptly replied,, "That it was on the bum."

New teacher

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

A Gift for Teacher

Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her.

She started to guess what was inside. "Chocolates?" she asked.

"Nope."

"A Cake?"

Johnny shook his head No.

Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."

"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."

Homework

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:

"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."

it's a toothbrush

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is bright red and
shiny?"
Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire engine !!!!???"
"No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the way you think.. Anyone else?"
Little Susan replied that it was an apple and the teacher was happy except Johnny of course..
Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he
can ask a question to which she nodded OK.
" What is long,hard, rounded and has hair at
one end? "
"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF
THAT TALK HERE..."
Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but
I like the way you think"..

Fishing SHop

One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing
pole for his birthday.

She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much
it was. The sales man says, "I'm blind, but if you give me the pole I
can tell how much it is by the weight."

So the lady gives him the pole and he says, "That pole is worth $45."
She was amazed at how cheap that was.

So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and
he says, "This pole is worth $55." she decided that was also really
cheap.

And then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to
the man and he says, "This pole is our best and it is $70." she told him
that she would take it.

As she was getting the fishing pole all rung up, she had to fart really
really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really
wouldn't matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose.

All of a sudden the man says, "It all comes up to $80."

Confused the lady says to him, "But you said the fishing pole was only
$70."

He said, "It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call.

Math Class

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question..
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on
a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest
would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher.
"But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for
you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
licking her cone, the second
biting her cone, and the third one sucking
her cone, which one is married?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess
the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the
wedding ring on her finger.
But I like the way you are thinking..

Jokes!!!

1) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student : I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.

2) Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" o"shoot himself".

3) What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

4) A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out

5)Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"

This explains why we forward jokes to you

This explains why we forward jokes to you...

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what,! and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime.

4 Best Chinese jokes!!

99 SECRETS GIRLS HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT GUYS

99 SECRETS GIRLS HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT GUYS

no offense guys.....dont no hw far its true...!...some do sound true to me atlest...!

Warning:- CAN GET BORING....guys r indeed difficult to analyse..!

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual
questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure
have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and
it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don't provoke(irritate) the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and
this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never
mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are
thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they
talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking
him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he
can't lay down the card for
you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28 You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth
faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems
with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be
hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they
broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.

**51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's
too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be matured and
grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than
girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying,"Please
come and listen to me"

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight,
but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is
wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.*

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl
would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them
offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know
them,they'll realize they're wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance,give it
to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance,ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at u and it
obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I
can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and
take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for
one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and
sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your
relationships.