Me and my Boss

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough




When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,



When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,



When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,



When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.



When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.



When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.



When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked



When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets

Project Manager kidnapped

Gud One….
 
Employees of a Software Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in Loud discussions during office time.....


Some Trainees, who had just joined,notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee.

They ask, "What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped our Project Managers.


They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.


We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."


One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
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"About a litre." 

Joke

Herolal breakes off his engagement on knowing that the girl is 25 years old & virgin.
Herolal explaining 'jo ladki 25 saal kisi ke kam nahi aahi , wo mere kya kam ayegi.

love life indian advertisement line

Want to propose a girl
Just do it - Nike

Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best - BPL.

If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.

If you are going to propose to a girl
Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.

If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
Take it easy - Limca.

Girl says NO !
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.

Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do - Daewoo.

If some one wants to write a love letter to his
girlfriend
Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.

If you love someone
Go get it - Visa power.

Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl
Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.

Not satisfied with your date
Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.

A guy having a number of girl friends
The Complete Man - Raymonds.

A smart girl having a number of boyfriends
Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.

For those lost in love
Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.

For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one
Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Excel

The Cookie

Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The grandfather takes out a cigarette and lights it.

Little Johnny says, "Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?"

"Can you touch your butt with your penis?"

"No," replies Little Johnny.

"Then, you're not big enough," explains the grandfather.

A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it.

Little Johnny then asks, "Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?"

"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"

"No," says Little Johnny.

"Then, you're not old enough."

Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny gets hungry so he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies, and eats one.

The grandfather looks at him and says, "They look good, can I have one of your cookies?"

"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"

"I most certainly can!" says the grandfather proudly.

"Then go fuck yourself… these are my cookies!"

potty training

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:

1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5, 3-5, 3-5…

TV

Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."